Read “Should You Spy on Your Teen?” Write
a post (on Ms. Ene’s EURO Lit Blogger) in which you defend, challenge, or
qualify the idea that parents have a right to spy on their adolescent children.
To support your position, use arguments from logic, your personal observation, your
reading, or your personal experience. In a second blog post, be sure also to respond and answer another person's argument that is opposed to your own position; the task of making
the case for your own side also involves, respectfully, showing how the other side is flawed.
Hi it's David
ReplyDeleteI agree with Fran Scott in that espionage can be dangerous to parent-child relationships. I think spying would hurt the mutual trust needed between a parent and a teenager. It would be better to have safety based on a good parent-child relationship rather than one where either trusts the other. I think this would be rather devastating to a family.
ReplyDeleteHowever I do agree that trust should be earned and if there seems to be a problem, parents should start out by talking to their children first- in a respectful, level way.
DeleteI agree that parents should talk to their children before jumping to conclusions because that creates a better relationship between them.
DeleteI think that parents spying on their children is counterproductive as it is very controlling. All it does is teaches teens how to be better liers to avoid getting in trouble. PArents that spy on their children make their teens want to rebel more in order to gain some sense of freedom. Although parents may think they are protecting their children they are really just making them bigger better liars. Teenagers should have the freedom to make their own life choices. Parents should be encouraging their children to take sports or get a job so that the children can not only learn life lessons but will also most likely stay out of trouble.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you andy, A strict parent that does all those things we read about in "should you spy on your teen?" it just causes children to want to rebel against there parents and do something just to disobey them and making them mad, where as if you have a mutual trust with your family it'll be less likey kids will have that want to go against there parents.
DeleteI do not believe that parents have a right to spy on their teenage kids. Like adults, teenagers have their own privacy and things that they will not want others to see, such as private messages or personal journals. If a parent is worried about their child's safety, invading their privacy will not solve the issue, it will just encourage the teenager to find a way to avoid their parents even more. Also, as the article says, trust could completely be destroyed if the teenager found out that their parent invaded their privacy. Many of these things that the teenager kept private were done so for a reason, and like anyone else, they would feel immense distrust if his privacy was violated. Also, teenagers are people who are growing to be independent and make their own decisions. Parents should trust the decisions they make, and guide them along the way. Looking through all their belongings will just slow down the process, and encourage a teenager to focus more about worrying about their parent rather than learning how to be an adult.
ReplyDeleteI feel as a teenager that our privacy is really important and it's up to our parents to shape us into adult's in a way that does not involve spying or being very over protective, in my eyes a parent should only do these things if there child gives them a reason to be untrusting. By doing something that the parents have clearly taught them not to do such as drugs, alcohol etc because it's a parent's job to raise use from the day we're born until where grown adults and we can make our own decisions and be held responsible for those decisions.
ReplyDeleteI agree that parents should only spy if they [the teens] do not comply with their lessons about drugs, alcohol, and such. When something serious is being taught, it is entirely the teen's responsibility to listen or they pay the price. The parents are only responsible for teaching the morals to the children.
DeleteI completely agree, a parent may be trying to help by spying but what kind of example does that set for the kid? They need to trust their child unless given reason not to. It is a part of parenting to let your kids grow up and be independent and a part of that is making your own decisions.
DeleteI totally agree with Casidy. Our parents should trust that they taught us well and raised us the right way. Part of the life experience is being out with friends knowing you can have fun. Fun doesn't mean smoking or drinking; it just means that we know we are trustworthy.
DeleteI totally agree with Casidy. Our parents should trust that they taught us well and raised us the right way. Part of the life experience is being out with friends knowing you can have fun. Fun doesn't mean smoking or drinking; it just means that we know we are trustworthy.
DeleteI agree with Casidy. Parents should only take action when there is reasonable cause to do so. If a parent is still doubtful of their kid, when there is no reason they should be, it shows that the parents aren't confident enough in their parenting.
DeleteI believe that teenagers have the right to privacy free from parent intervention. Although the teens are technically the parents' children, they deserve the same amount of privacy as people from from police without search warrants. Because this sacrifices the extra security when it comes to teenagers with sex and drugs among other things, it is entirely the teen's choice to do these things. People all have free will, and if that will is weak, they will succumb to these acts. It should be noted that the teens should have been taught by their parents about drug use and other things. This means if the teen decides to ignore these lessons, it is entirely their idea that they even became an addict in the first place, not the parents' faults. From my observations in school, I've noticed that teens really like to listen to what they want to hear, being easily persuaded, which drug addicts do. Any form of offense in words will instantly turn them away, which is all caused by weak will. If they had strong will, they would take it all with a grain of salt and walk away, knowing that the choice they made was the right one. Overall, it is entirely the teen's choice whether they become a drug addict or not; their parents are there to teach them about these issues, not to spy on them.
ReplyDeleteI agree, in that parents should make it a point to teach these things to their children in the first place. It is important to first build up moral ideals all through a child's growth so that when they are put into the teenager environment, they have their own strong will.
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DeleteAs a side note, until a teen turns 18, aren't the parents still legally responsible for the child?
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ReplyDeleteParents should not spy on their teens, as it will only breed distrust between the two. In the article Stott explains, "Loving but firm confrontation is a better approach than spying." If parents are concerned about a child's behavior,it is better to just talk to and ask them about what might be happening. While it is understandable for a parent to be worried, if they spy, they immediately make it more difficult for their teen to trust them. From a teen's perspective, I would much rather my parents tell me their concerns than find out they had been snooping in my personal belongings. Parents should trust their children to the extent that does not require spying, and teens should be honest with their parents, should they ask questions.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that spying may create distrust between the parents and their children, but teens may not always tell the truth. Therefore, there is a slight necessity for parents to check up on their teens, and all parents have the responsibility to keep their teens away from harmful things like drug use. Also, in order to prevent a family's bond from breaking, parents should tell their children that they are constantly getting checked up on and why their parents are doing this. Then, the teen will know the reason why they should steer away from these harmful activities. So, maybe a mix of spying and firm confrontation should be made.
DeleteIn a family, it is important to have strong ties and connections with each other. I believe that parents are there for guidance, and they cannot dictate their child's every action. A person's actions are their choice, are their's alone and they should be able to do whatever they want, however they must be ready to face the consequences too. Spying on someone is a violation of their privacy and shows a lack of trust in their ability to make their own decisions. As Brittany Cable states, "There are things teenagers need to experience on their own." as in the real world, they won't have their parents watching out for them and helping them avoid mistakes. Parents should ask students periodically to check on them, and only resort to extremes such as drug tests if they have a legitimate reason to be concerned for the safety of their child.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the fact that parents and children should have a strong bond and a trusting relationship, but I believe when teenagers begin to use drugs and commit crimes, parents should be able to do anything to keep their child safe. Parents still hold responsibility for their child even if teenagers are starting to become more independent.
DeleteYes I agree.Spying on teens shows a lack of trust.That make a bad relationships between parents and teenagers.Parents should have communication with their teenagers but not spying on them,dictating all of their actions.Teenagers should have their own decisions and new experience.Also they should have their own privacy, parents should not spy on them but giving them their own freedom and privacy.
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ReplyDeleteBeing close with your children is very important, but sometimes the kids are too blind to know what is right and what is wrong. Parental guidance is important when teens are in an environment where they can be easily manipulated. Lying to parents is not something that is completely new, and often teens do not show any symptoms of drug or alcohol use.
DeleteA parents have a right to spy on their children only if they truly believe their children could potentially be involved in dangerous activities. It's very important for a parent and child to have a mutually trusting relationship, therefore constantly spying on ones children is a very bad idea. However, even before trust comes safety. If a parent strongly believes that a child is "at risk", then he has a right to spy. Note that it's much better for a parent to confront his child directly than to spy, as it lets them rebuild trust if a child comes clean, but spying is still a viable option for the parents as long as it is in the child's best interests.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the idea that safety comes before trust, however there should be a line drawn between children and parents on what is "dangerous". Some parents may see going out for dinner with friends as "dangerous" as there is the potential for drug use and resort to espionage. However this could be for anything, such as going to a band concert, or going to a friends house to do a project. This could make a child feel extremely restricted as any small act of going out could be seen as giving an excuse for their parents to invade his/her privacy.
DeleteParents do have a right to worry for their children's safety, but a certain level of trust needs to be upheld in order to maintain a healthy relationship with the parent and child. The world is filled with danger and if parents constantly believes that their children are always at risk, there will never be a time when parents can let go. I agree that the parent should come forth and discuss the boundaries with the child, but spying is not the best option when it comes to allowing children to learn and mature.
DeleteI agree with your point that it is important for parents and children to have a flowing and communicative relationship. However, I would disagree that parents should be able to play the "spying" card whenever they think their child may be engaging in dangerous activity. Spying on a child is more likely to lead to the child mistrusting their parent, and hence (and quite often) mistrusting their guidance, which can lead them further down the wrong path.
DeleteInstead, I would propose, as Ethan mentioned, that spying should be used quite less, and that communication and discussions about their choices can be far more effective towards not only the trust the parent has for the child, but also the child for the parent. If children engage in an activity they deem appropriate but their parents don't, spying on them can only lead towards misunderstanding. Rather, if suspicious activity is clear, the next step would be to talk and ask for the truth / anything they need to say.
If a parent can establish strong communication with their child from the beginning, they're more likely to never have to confront their child at all.
I think that having parents spy on their children is the right thing to do, but once they had earned their trust, parents needs to be respectful of their children's privacy. As the Lipics say it, "children aren't born deserving trust, they earn it". As the article stated, large portions of teenagers are engaged in drugs, alcohol, and sex. To protect the kids, it is necessary to spy on them until the parents know that nothing is going wrong. Personally, my mom has a tracker installed on my phone to know where I am at all times. I, as the children, does not feel being spied on is a bad thing, because I am not doing anything that is out of the way. Having the parents spy on children is the right way to go.
ReplyDeleteI understand your point of view, but I still think spying by parents is unjustified. A parent should be able to trust their children to an extent that they can ask them about their concerns and feel confident their children are telling the truth. Unless there is an active reason unsettling the parents and causing them to spy, I don't believe spying is the right thing to do.
DeleteWhile I agree that children aren't born deserving trust and that they earn it, I also believe that it goes for the other way as well. Teens are humans too, and they can think for themselves especially as a high schooler. Parents need to earn their teen's trust and spying won't help. Teenagers like to be treated as adults, not as little children. While you may have a tracker on your phone that your parents can see where you are at all times, that is not as severe as parents actually following you around, looking through your stuff when you're gone, and making you take drug tests. I personally know many friends of mine who's parents also track their kid's whereabouts using the phone tracker and I think that to that extent, it is reasonable. But when it starts becoming more, then there's a problem.
DeleteI believe that it's actually the other way around. While it's true that ¨children aren't born deserving trust, they earn it", how is a child supposed to trust a parent who doesn't have enough trust in their child to leave him alone? I think the first step is to have a mutually trusting relationship, that is, the parents trust the children enough to have their own privacy and the children trust in their parents words and listen to them. If at one point, the trust breaks down and the parents are worried about their child's safety, then they can start looking into other options such as spying. It's definitely better that parents directly confront their children if they're worried, however they do have a right to spy.
DeleteI think children will feel more distrusted if their parents track them, but I do agree that if the child isn't doing anything wrong, there won't be a sense of guilt, which if there were,could ruin parent-child relationships. However, I think that doing things like looking through a diary or monitoring a chat is a little different. Like Clinton said, "It is not a good idea to invade that space" because it is a lot more personal than, say, just knowing where your child is at a certain time. I think such personal information that could be in diaries and chats should be in the child's control whether to share with their parents as with his or her friends. And once again this is where the trust issue comes in- snooping at such a personal level could ruin the relationships.
DeleteI disagree with this statement because I believe that teenagers, like everyone else, should be trusted and respected for their privacy initially. It is only when they lie or do similar actions should teens lose their parents' trust. Like everyone else, a teenager has certain things that they would like to keep to themselves and not let anyone else know about. While a teenager may potentially be involved in drugs, alcohol, and sex, there is no need for a parent to actually intervene unless they explicitly know the teen is going through these things. Worrying about a teenager potentially doing these things and spying on them as a result, when in fact the teenager knows well enough to never do it in the first place will just create a rift between the teenager and the parent because the teenager will feel that his/her parent does not trust him/her well enough to know better. Teenagers are being told to make their own decisions and transition into adulthood. If a parent is still needs to check on their kid's location or go through everything their child owns just to make themselves feel safe as in they know their child is not doing drugs, it is going against everything a teenager is being told about making their own decisions and being independent.
DeleteI agree with Amy. Spying on parents' children may cause, but, at least, the parents will know if their kids are in a bad shape or not, with doing drugs, drinking alcohol, etc. Children have to gain their parents' trust, not deserve it. My mom and my dad have an app that can track where either of them are. I also have a phone. When my parents call me, they will know where I am, so I don't get lost.
DeleteIf you allow parents to spy on their children it would result in the child being more private and unwilling to share private life details. Spying on children is counterproductive. If parents are constantly looking over the shoulders of their teenagers, how do you expect the teenagers to handle themselves in the real world when they haven't experienced being independent yet. Plus, spying maybe rub off on the teenager and may cause the teenager to believe that spying is what parents should do, which isn't right.
DeleteI believe that a parent's most important job is to protect their children. But, as Dave Clinton says, a parent's right to spy only "applies...if parents have legitimate reasons to be concerned". In some extreme cases, spying might be the only option for a parent, but parents should strive to use it only as a last resort. Espionage poses a significant threat to the parent-child relationship. If a teen discovers that a parent has been spying on them, they lose trust in their parents and are thus less likely to be open with them. It is also important to acknowledge that teens have their own right to privacy that should not be infringed upon. The approaches of Bill Minot and Brittany Cable are a better alternative than spying: parents should have open discussions with teens and inform them that they have devices such as drug tests. Openness fosters trust and understanding; it is the best approach to parenting.
ReplyDeleteSome parents think that they should spy on their children in order to knowing what they are doing and what parents 'need' to know. Some parents will read their dairies,search their room,even tailing them to hang out.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with it,parents should not spy on their teenagers. It is because those actings can be very dangerous to parent-child relationships. Teenagers will trust parents back if they can see their parents have trust on them.SO parents should not do something that make children feel that they are not trusting.
Teenagers want to try different things since they grow up.If they can manage their things well, making good friends,having good habits and interests, also getting good grades at school, parents should trust them since they are mature enough to manage their own things.Like what Brittany says:" There are things teenagers need to experience on their own."
Parents should show trust and respect to their kids,but not spying on them. Also,teenagers should manage their own things and stuff,let their parents have less worries.
I agree with you. Parents always do something that the children might think it does not respect their privacy, but the parents claim that is good for them. I also think that spying children will hurt the relationship between parents and children very bad. The children might never trust their parents anymore. Even though they know parents have said something correct, they will still will argue with their parents. So, I think parents should not spying on their children under no circumstances.
DeleteThere are two opposing perspectives on the issue of family espionage, one being the precautionary parent looking out for the safety of their child, and the other being the defiant teen wanting as much freedom as possible. While their intentions may be good and cautious, parents do not have the right to follow and spy on their children all the time, unless it is legitimately threatening to their child (such as depression or drug addiction). While they should teach their children about dangerous topics and how to avoid them, teens must have their own space and freedom to explore and learn from their mistakes. Parents can not and will not always be there to shelter their children from the world. I agree with Stott's statement that spying harms the mutual trust and relationship between a parent and child.
ReplyDeleteI do not think parents have the right to spy on their adolescent children. I think that spying is a way of intruding into children life without consent. It seems to violate the child's privacy. I feel that spying shows a lack of trust between the children and parents. This point was also made by Fran Stott, a dean of academics programs at Erikson Institute. Personally, I also feel that spying is way of your parents showing that you are not mature enough. It shows that they are too worried to let you become independent, As stated by Brittany within the article, "it helps you to mature faster" if given the independence. In addition, I feel that the spying would only make matters worst. Children may continue to avoid their parents and be even more cautious about protecting themselves.
ReplyDeleteWith a myriad of possible risks out in the world, it is only natural for parents to question their children's each and every move. However, it does not fully justify the idea of spying on their teenagers. Giving the a child privacy and respect is crucial to building a foundation of trust. Parents should lead by example and allow their children to freely explore the world around them. With this privilege, teens will learn on their own and come back to ask for help when needed. As social worker Clinton argues, "it is not a good idea to invade that space. That's off limits unless there is some clear provocation." By giving teens space, it does not necessarily mean that the parent-child relationship is also developing a gap. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Once mature and fully aware that parents are respecting a child's privacy, it is natural for them to approach parents comfortably. A higher level of understanding and trust can be developed by taking a step back. Thus, I believe parents should refrain from spying on their children unless there is reasonable suspicion and intervention is needed.
ReplyDeleteI think that parents should spy on their teen because parents are there with them to help or support their kids and protect them. Also, parents should know that what their kids are planning to do or are doing without their parents permission. Parents have to look out if their kids are causing problems or not and then sort it out with their kids or their friends. In high school, "when we see the problems they could be influenced by, we have to find ways to protect them". When parents know their kids' situation with any problems, they will have to sort their kids' problems out while coming up with a solution to stop this problem. I think that after kids realize their mistake, they are going to be thankful that their problem has stopped and that their parents have helped through the kids' problems, once they knew what was going on with the kids.
ReplyDeleteI disagree, I can see how it might be ok in some cases to spy on their kids, with probable cause but parents that do it all the time, who may think that they are protecting their kids but are really just breaking the mutual trust that they should have with their teens.
DeleteI disagree with this position because a parent's job is to ensure that their children have the ability to make good decisions. If they have done well, then their children will be mature enough to live their own lives, and the parents must respect the right to privacy that stems from maturity. Only in extreme cases in which their children may be in danger, parents should spy, but only as a last resort.
DeleteWhile i understand that a parent's first job is to protect their kids, i dont believe that it's the parents job to control their kids life. Every teenager is going to experience failure or do something stupid, but they learn from it. There's a difference in learning from your own mistakes and being told by a parent what your mistakes are. In order to really be able to learn from your mistakes and grow, you have to experience the consequences yourself.
DeleteI disagree with the idea that parents have the right to spy because it is for the safety of the children. I believe the right way to ensure safety is to build up the trust between the parent and the child. By doing so, children are much more likely to open up to parents and let them know everything they are going through. However, spying would not foster this growth in trust. Instead, it would only encourage children to hide their lives even more, which means putting their safety at a greater risk.
DeleteI agree that parents should support their kids. However, I think spying on their kids would hurt them rather than help them, because the kids would only think that their parents don't trust them and it would ruin their relationship they have with their parents
DeleteI understand your point of view, and how a parent has the right to know where their child is at all times as a safety precaution, however I don't think that they should be spying. If they would like to know what the child is doing, they should talk to them and communicate with them so the child doesn't feel like they're privacy is being invaded, but the parents is still reassured. I think that all parents should start out trusting their kids, and only when the trust is broken should they start spying on their kids.
DeleteWhile I can see where you are coming from, I do not agree that parents should spy on their children. You mention that parents should be able to spy so that they know when the kids are going to break the rules. I think that this is a very negative way of thinking because it assumes that the child is going to disobey. In most cases, I think that kids deserve their parents' good faith, and if they do something to refute that, such as disobeying rules, then and only then would the parents have any grounds to suspect their child. In addition, if someone grows up with their parents constantly watching them and controlling them, how is the person going to function when they become an adult and have to take care of his or her self alone? This type of situation could actually lead to a higher likelihood of involvement in detrimental things because the person might not have any sort of filter of judgement of their own after having their parents screen everything for 18 years. Also, I think that when parents are constantly invading on their child's privacy, it undermines any sort of meaningful or lasting relationship. To me, building a strong bond is more important than making one mistake.
DeleteWhile I understand that it is a parent's job to look out for their children, I think there are better methods than spying on them. Spying breeds mistrust and anxiety for teenagers, and might be even more detrimental for them. Instead, parents should try to communicate with teenagers. It would serve the same purpose as spying, but would show the teen that the parents respect them but still care about the choices they are making.
DeleteThe idea of family is built on mutual trust between parents and children. By parents spying on their own kids, it creates an environment of distrust and if the kids find out that their parents are spying on them, they will forever never trust their parents ever again. Parents should not have to spy on their kids, but rather just ask them questions and believe their answers wholeheartedly. If kids feel any sort of distrust with their parents, then the relationship between parents and child is broken and children will be worrying about whether or not their parents are trailing them instead of enjoying their life. In the reading Lipics believe that "children aren't born deserving trust; they earn it" (2). However, that can go the same way towards parents. Children aren't born instantly trusting their parents. They earn it. Building trust takes a long time. But one little mistake of distrust will destroy whatever trust had been built. As parents nurture their child and care for them, kids develop trust in their parents. But once they find out that their parents are spying on them, everything goes out the window. It is very difficult to rebuild a lost trust, especially when a kid is in his or her teens. In the reading, Webster says, "But when they enter high school and we see the problems they could be influenced by, we have to find ways to protect them" (10). High school is a time where teens practice becoming more independent and thinking about the consequences of each action because after high school, that's what teens will have to do: make choices for themselves. There are way more problems in the "real world" than there are as a high schooler. By not allowing to explore and figure out the consequences of doing bad things, teens will grow up and be curious to do these "bad things" that were restricted and taboo at home. Parents will not be with their kids forever, and that is why it is crucial to prepare them for independence when they leave high school and enter college and the adult life. Parents spying on kids is in no way a good option to "protect" their child. Instead, have a serious conversation about what parents don't want their children to do and what consequences doing such things will have on not only enforced by their parents but to their body as well.
ReplyDeleteYour argument is assuming that there is a mutual trust between parent and child, but there are cases where the trust between parent and child are already shattered. Maybe through a divorce or another force that both parent and child couldn't control, there is a broken trust before the child becomes an teen. In cases like these it becomes necessary for a parent to spy on their child to ensure their child isn't doing anything wrong as that child would simply lie if asked in person.
DeleteAlso when a teen finds out that a parent was spying on them, the child doesn't always has to completely lose trust and hate their parent after. Thinking about older teens such as ourselves, we can at least understand why our parents would want to spy on us if we were acting shady in their eyes.
Finally when you talk about how teens have to learn about the world by themselves, you assume that spying would destroy that learning experience. The issue here is that it is entirely possible to spy and a child without directly interfering with the child's life. If the child is in actual danger when the parent is spying, the parent can save their child's life so there can actually be a future for the kid. If the child is doing something bad but not dangerous, the parent can have a talk with the teen after so that they can help "nudge" the child back in the right direction.
Parents should not spy on their teens because teens should be able to have their own privacy. If teens find out that their parents are spying on them, it can harm their relationship and the teens wouldn't trust their parents anymore. In the article, Brittany Cable says, "There are things teenagers need to experience on their own." I agree with this because parents won't always be there for their teens, so teens should experience life like a mature person, without their parents helping them. I think most of the times teens would know what is right and wrong for them, so they can make their own choices. If they make mistakes, they can learn from them and be stronger. However,if parents notices that there is something going on with their teen, they could ask their him or her if there is anything wrong and offer to help without spying on their teen
ReplyDeleteI agree that teens know what is right and wrong for themselves, but at the same time a lot of teens just don't care. They might know that drunk driving is wrong, but at the end of the day all these risky behaviors have motivations behind them; drugs feel good, sex feels good, and violence feels good, and all it takes for someone to make a bad decision is to decide that it's worth the risk/consequences.
DeleteA normal person isn't going to talk with her mom about how she got alcohol poisoning at that party last night, so this is where parents can step in and spying becomes justified/useful. From a purely utilitarian standpoint, it makes sense for parents to spy on their teens because there may not be a "next time" for teens to "learn from [mistakes] and be stronger."
I like Nathan's point that there many not be a next time for teenagers to learn from their mistakes. Sure, we all learn from mistakes, but parents are there to stop their children from making devastating mistakes. Parents have more experience and understand the possibilities of what could happen in the future, so it is important for them to do simple, routine checks to make sure their children are on the right path. Also, teenagers tend to participate in risky behaviors when their friends do so, and their friends may not come from the same family situation as them, so it is important to stop teenagers from making bad decisions before it gets too late.
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ReplyDeleteParents should be allowed to spy on their children when they think it is necessary. Teenagers need their private space, and if parents were to spy on teenagers will feel like they are being contained by their parents. However, parents should still be able to invade a child's privacy if they feel like they sense a lack of trust in their child. I agree with what Laura Schlessinger states when she says how if parents have the need to spy on their children, they have the obligation to do so. Teenagers should be able to have the space and privacy, but when parents are aware that their child is getting involved in alcohol, drugs, or sexual intercourse, then they should be able to do anything to help their child. Parents still hold the responsibility of keeping teenagers safe, even if teenagers are starting to become more independent.
ReplyDeleteI agree that parents have a right to spy on their adolescent children to a certain extent, because a hormonal changes and a lack of development in the prefrontal cortex make teenagers more likely to engage in risky behavior with a lack of consideration for the potential consequences. Entirely sheltering adolescents from societal taboos is detrimental to their transition into adulthood, but at the opposite end of the spectrum letting kids roam free in the realms of drugs, sex, and violence is never beneficial for their well-being. This is where spying comes in as a part of parental supervision/intervention, where parents can step in when things get out of hand and guide their young adults towards the right direction.
ReplyDeleteGreat point about how there should be a line dividing the importance of the teen's privacy and protecting them, however, I still disagree with the notion that it’s the only option. If mutual trust between the parent and child is developed early, the chance of the child getting mixed up in a group of people involved with harmful substances goes down significantly. Having the child be aware of the possible dangers that exist in high school before they enter high school is more important and more effective that spying on the child after it’s quite late into the situation.
DeleteObviously the concern of a parent that their teen is doing something that may be damaging to their health/future is legitimate, however using age/development as justification for an invasion of privacy is not ok. Growing up in an environment where it is clear that there is not a degree of mutual respect and trust between the parent and child is damaging not only to the relationship between the two but denies the teenager the chance to form a more adult relationship with their parents, which is developmentally detrimental.
DeleteWhile I do agree that teens are more likely to engage in risky behavior, I think one of the important parts of parenting is making sure that you're providing your children with proper guidance and education to make sure they can make smart decisions for themselves ahead of time, not just when things start to go wrong. If you do this, then you can likely prevent your child from going down the wrong path. Even if your kid does start to do dangerous activities, having built this strong relationship with your child will allow them to confide in you if they start doing anything where they may need help.
DeleteYou bring up some valid points, however I disagree that parents have a right to spy on their children. While I agree that parents should not give their teens total freedom, I think that it is better to directly confront your child about the problem than to spy on them. By spying on them, parents are breaking their trust with their children.
DeleteI really like the points you bring up, yet I do not agree that parents should spy on children. It may seem like supervision however it is breaking a bond that children should have with parents. This bond, once broken is near impossible to fix. The bond is built on trust between the two. This is why spying is not a good idea.
DeleteI think this is stating two extremes, either spying on your child or letting them roam everywhere with complete freedom. A compromise can be made between these two ends of a spectrum, starting with the parent informing and teaching their child about these potential dangers. There definitely needs to be space given to a child to learn and grow from their mistakes. Spying on one's children will only damage the relationship on both ends, and most likely cause the child to feel more uncomfortable and reclusive from their parents. I agree with Evan's statement above that by establishing respect and trust in a relationship, a more mature bond can be developed rather than a hide-and-chase kind of relationship.
DeleteI disagree with the parents that believe it is beneficial to spy on their children. I think if a parent has no reason to believe their child is doing something wrong, they should not spy. This can consequently lead to mistrust between a child and parent because every healthy relationship requires trust. In addition, if a child has not done anything wrong in the past,there is no reason to spy. I have personal experience with this because I feel annoyed when my parents decide to put themselves in my business, when it's not necessary at all. Even if I was doing something wrong, parental spying will not fix any problem. Experience and failing is the best way to learn and grow, as specified by other teens. Brittany Cable,a 17 year old in Antioch, Ill., said "There are things teenagers need to experience on their own. It helps you mature faster". Parental spying will only make children more frustrated and also weaken the relationship between their kids.
ReplyDeleteHello Babak, I respectfully disagree with your statement that it is never ok for parents to spy on their kids, even if they are doing something wrong. I believe that confrontation can fail in some cases, and if it is beyond a reasonable doubt that there is something wrong, reading text messages is the most they should go to. I agree that anything else would be very creepy and not fair to do to someone, even if they are doing something wrong. Spy cameras even more so are very distasteful to put in a child's room or around the house. I agree that these methods are likely to cause children to be frustrated and weaken relationships, but when its about safety, I believe that small amounts of "spying" can be acceptable.
DeleteI don't believe that parents have the right to spy on their children. A big part of growing up is learning from your mistakes and during the teenage years is when most kids will make a lot of their mistakes. Having parents constantly snooping on them will will take away from the kid's personal growth. In the article, the parents explain that they felt like the kids had to earn their trust, but that can go the other way too where the children have to be able to trust their parents. Personally, if i found out that my parents were spying on me or going through my stuff, I would feel disappointed that they didn't trust me first of all. But I would also never be able to trust them because of the way in which they violated my privacy. I wouldn't feel comfortable telling them stuff about my life because of the fear that they will again "lose trust" in me. I understand that parents just want the best for their kids and act like this our of concern and love, but having a direct conversation would be so much more effective. First of all, if the parent doesn't have reason to believe that their child is doing something wrong or dangerous, they shouldn't have a reason for snooping. However, if they do have their suspicions, actually talking about it with the child will be more beneficial than spying. Instead of saying "I followed you and saw you doing this", saying something like "I'm worried that you may be doing this" will make the child feel more comfortable and more willing to open up. While the first one feels like an attack interrogation, the second just shows the parent's concern for their child. No kid is going to open up to their parents while being confronted, but they will be more willing to if the are able to see that the parent is only concerned. The teenage years are known to be the most crucial years in one's life and not letting your child fully experience those years because of your lack of trust in them is just selfish.
ReplyDeleteI believe that a parent shouldn't spy on their teen, and that there should be a mutual trust between the parent and teenager. Violating a teenager's privacy and restricting their freedom would not only fail to prevent the teenager from drinking, having underage sex, or trying drugs, it would have the opposite of the intended effect and instead would encourage such behavior under the logic that, if they were going to be treated as if they were already doing these things, then there would be no reason not to. When a parent goes through their teen's messages, it doesn't teach the teen to not do the things that the parents banned, but instead trains them on how to hide information from their parents. The Lipics's belief that teens need to earn trust is a flawed one, as it was never their choice to be born. Your child never made a conscious decision to exist, and the idea that they should have to prove themselves to justify privacy leads to a severe lack of trust.
ReplyDeleteSpencer I respectfully disagree because there can be a mutual trust but that does not mean that there can't be a momentary lapse in judgment or peer pressure. These situations can lead to suspicion from the parents of the teen, and that would be a reason why the parents would have to spy on the child.
DeleteI believe there is a fine line between the safety of your child and, and just plainly spying on your children just to see what they have been doing. Many parents do so to look for ways to punish their child for something they don't even know is even legitimate evidence and that is the wrong way to view the situation. A right way to view the event is for the safety and well being of that person's child. It is to protect them from what suspicious or harmful characters may be around them in the community. Then again most teenagers do have a false lapse in judgment from time to time it is part of their nature they are not fully developed or mature to figure out that what they are doing or have been doing is wrong. So in total I believe that in a way the spying on teens is right to do, to a certain point some parents take it way too far. In the reading it says that some teens tend to agree with Stott saying that their are some things that teens need to experience on their own but if the parents want to know something or find something out then they should just ask them and they would let the parent know. As well as saying that they also agree that if there is a serious situation that the teen should ask for professional help on the matter depending on how serious the situation be. There should only be snooping or following when the parent has a reason to suspect a problem
ReplyDeleteJordan, I respectfully disagree with your statement that a parent should ever have to snoop around to figure out anything about the teenager, then it shows there's an inherent lack of trust between the parent and teenager. If the teenager is in trouble, then they should be able to trust their parents to the point where they would take the initiative to admit their wrongdoings. They shouldn't be scared of any punishment that their parents give them. There can be a lot of trust between a parent and their kid, and invading a child's privacy should never be an option.
DeleteIt's not necessary for parents to spy on their children. Parents have nurtured their children and their children have spent all of their lives with their parents, so through all of that time, you should have built some trust with your child. I feel that this mutual trust between parent and child is really important in this case over espionage on your kids because if you develop this trust and respect, there’s a lot less of a likelihood of the child getting involved with anything too dangerous. I agree that this trust has to be earned, but the trust is harder to be earned when kids are older as they are inherently more rebellious, so this trust should be developed earlier so it can manifest properly between the parent and their kid.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think parents should spy on their children. It does hurt the trust between parent and child, but this is even more significant because of how big a role parents typically play in a child’s life. If a child trusts their parent(s) and enjoys being with them, a parent can be a sort of “stronghold” that will always be there for their child, which is extremely useful and supporting in a child’s life. However, by losing that trust, a child loses that “stronghold,” and instead of being glad to come home every day, they will walk in the door with a possible sense of fear, annoyance, or otherwise negative feeling. It will make them paranoid, and make them feel like they can’t trust their parents because their parents don’t trust them. As a result, the child likely won’t be comfortable talking about personal things to their parents anymore. The paranoia and feeling of being watched will also follow them everywhere, which is definitely hurtful.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, it’s even more important to maintain the trust between parent and child specifically because it involves the parents, who play a huge role in a kid’s life and are with them for many years, and if handled incorrectly, the damage it causes can be multiplied tenfold and even last for a lifetime.
I believe that parents should be able to spy on their children to steer them away from going down a bad path because most parents want their children to become successful. Spying will keep the parents updated on the new trends that their kids may do, and if there is a problem the parents should be allowed to intervene with their private life. Although I agree with parents spying on teens, it should not be to an excessive amount. For example, tracking their location is fine, but constantly stalking them is too much. If a teens finds out their parents are watching their every move, there could be a possibility that they may rebel even more just to get out of their parents reach. Fran Stott warns that “ espionage can be dangerous to parent-child relationships”, therefore, to keep the bond that every parent wants with their children, the parents should keep the espionage to a minimal amount. Also, when a teen hits the age eighteen, the parents should not spy anymore because when they are eighteen the teen becomes an adult. Once they become adults, they are responsible for every action. This will allow them to learn from their mistakes and correct them, causing the them to become independent and responsible. Therefore, I believe that parents can spy on their children, but the espionage should be limited to a reasonable amount.
ReplyDeleteHi Chereen,
DeleteAlthough I understand your reasons as to there should be a reasonable amount of parent's spying on their teen, I still believe that there should not be any spying at all. As a teen, if my parents spy on me, I will immediately lose trust in their actions, no matter how many times they did it. Even if they only spied once, I will feel like they are spying on me for every single action I do, and therefore harm the relationship between me and my parents. However, if they do not spy on me, I will tell them everything that is happening in my private life and will not hide anything from them. I suppose not every single teen thinks and act the same as me, however, I believe that in general, if parents do not spy on their teens, their teen will most likely be able to trust them more and therefore be more honest towards them.
I think that parents should respect their children's privacy, but if they suspect that there is an issue, they should do anything necessary to help and care for their children. In the article, "Should You Spy On Your Teen?" Laura Schlessinger says that, "Children who are 'off track' don't generally talk openly to their parents- out of guilt, shame, emotional problems, foolishness,etc." I agree with her statement, and I think that teenagers who have a history or a tendency to do the wrong thing should be monitored more closely. Finally, although spying may decrease the trust between a parent and their teen, I believe that it can strengthen later on as the teenager gets older. Also, a parent can build trust with their teenager over the years and decrease the amount of spying they do once they see that they can trust their children. Although privacy is important for a teenager, safety is important as well. Any parent wants their child to be safe, happy, and successful, so it is important for parents to spy on their children if they believe and have evidence that there may be a problem.
ReplyDeleteWhile I do agree that it is the parent's job to keep their children safe, I disagree with how they should "do anything necessary to help and care for their children." I believe that there are other ways to get your child to open up to you besides forcing them to hand over their phones. Although the child's safety is the most important, I think sometimes it would be okay to let the child fail by themselves so they can learn from it. Spying on them would completely break the trust and would take years to repair. The parent should always have enough faith in the child in that they will do well and make good decisions. Unless someone's life is in immediate danger, I believe the parents are never justified to spy on their children.
DeleteI do not think parents should spy on their children for the sake of knowing what they are up to. However, if there is something that is noticeably wrong with them, lower grades, mood deterioration, or another sign of something being up, the parent should first confront the child before snooping. If the child seems sincere in their explanation of what is wrong, the parent should not go searching further because that is an invasion of privacy on little to no basis to be worried. On the other hand, if the child seems to be hiding something malicious, I feel that it would be fine to read text messages or be cautious about where the child goes. Following the child on outings is a little too far for me because that have a very creepy feel to it. Safety comes before privacy in most cases, but if there is no basis for worry, it is an invasion of privacy to snoop, and it could cause a rift between parents and child. If I was ever followed or had my text messages read, I would not be happy because there is no reason for anyone to be spying on me. It would make me feel insecure even at home to know that I could have my parents just watching me from a spy camera, and I would probably be less open with them because of it.
ReplyDeleteParents who violate the privacy of their teenager by spying on them endanger the evolving adult relationship that is being created between them and their teen. Being a teenager is a time of increasing independence and teenages begin to see themselves as more adults than children. Although this new idea of themselves can lead to dangerous activities such as drugs and drinking, it is primarily something for parents to celebrate as the increasing maturity of their child is nothing but good. By choosing to spy on their teen, however, the message they send to their young adult is one of distrust and a confirmation to their teen that they do not believe that they are responsible. Knowing this as a teen endangers the more mature relationship between parent and child, and compromises the chance that a teen will come to the parent in the event that something is wrong. If a parent is worried enough to go the level of spying on their teen with little or no evidence to justify it, how will they react to a legitimate problem or transgression? If something bad has happened and the teen is reluctant to ask for help then it could be seriously dangerous for them. All in all the benefits that could occur from spying on your teen in no way outweigh the potential risks and really do more harm than good both to the teen who has essentially been told that you don't trust them and the relationship that has been developing.
ReplyDeleteI see where you are coming from, which I agree partially but I still feel that parents should spy on teenager. Not only from the perspective of monitoring the teen, but as a lesson to teach. I personally feel that lesson of trust is something to be earned not given and it is very easy to lose trust, but hard to gain back. Losing and gaining trust is something which will happen throughout the life experience, and it should be practiced before they fly into the adulthood.
DeleteParents just want what's best for their children but sometimes taking it to the extreme of invading their children's is taking it too far. Just because parents care about their children's personal lives, it doesn't justify the invasion of privacy. Not only that, but this could potentially ruin the trust the child has with the parent and result in being even more private and unwilling to share. Teens will do what they want if they set their minds to it, regardless of what their parents may say or do to stop it. The way the teenager thinks and makes decisions all comes down to how they were raised, which is essentially a reflection of their own parents. Parents should set an example for their kids and trust that their teen can handle the real world. It's not always easy to do the right thing but it's better for teens to learn for themselves while they still have parents to look for help. If teenagers don't get to make decisions on their own while still under the protection of their parents, how are they going to learn to make the right choices away from home? Snooping and spying are not qualities a parent would want to instill in their children, so why do it. They should be example for their children.
ReplyDeleteI think that spying on your children can be more problematic than good, and therefore parents shouldn't unless in an extreme case. If children start to mistrust their parents as a result of espionage, the teen will likely start to be more secretive rather than understand the concern. While parents start to spy on their kids because they don't think their children will tell them what they're doing, this may have the opposite effect. When people need help, they go to people they trust, and if kids don't trust their parents, then it is likely when a kid is in actual danger, they will go to someone less reliable for help. Spying can also cause anger to build between the teen and parent. If this does then it is possible that their child will rebel just to gain a level of independence from their parents. For these reasons, it is important that a parent focuses on building a proper relationship with their children from the start, so that instead of having to snoop around to find out what their kid is doing, if the kid needs any sort of advice or guidance, they will go to their parents.
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DeleteMy belief is similar to Dave Clinton's from the article in that until the parents have a legitimate reason to be concerned, they should not invade their child's privacy. There is a mutual trust between parents and children, and invading their privacy can definitely lead to an estranged relationship. Laura Schlessinger says that, "Parents are to respect their children's nest... However, when a parent has reason to believe that there might be a problem... it is their obligation to use whatever means necessary to help and protect their child." I agree with her statement, parents should protect their child in any way necessary, including espionage. However, until their child displays legitimate concerning behavior, parents should stay out of their business to prevent unnecessarily straining their relationship. A parent should build a trusting and close relationship with their child so that their child can feel comfortable seeking their parent for help. Parents acting the dictator only makes the child more likely to keep secrets.
ReplyDeleteI think that even in case of a legitimate reason to be concerned, parents should not resort to a method of spying to uncover the problem. There should never be an act of espionage in the family as it will lead to distrust and the child keeping more secrets. The parents should resort to a sort of family meeting or a talk to uncover any secrets that the child might have. By doing this the parents can earn the respect of the child which will lead to the child telling the truth and coming for help when they are in trouble.
DeleteAlthough I believe that spying should not be allowed by parents, I do think that in this way there is a possibility for a trusting relationship. A parent can help their child stay on the right track of things but should not control which direction they go in. Good job KevinHuang.
DeleteI believe that parents should not spy on their teen and instead should be straightforward and respect the teen's privacy and maturity. Even though they may have the right to do so, it only distances the trust and approachable attitude the child has towards their parent(s). Instead of spying, I agree with Stott that parents should attempt "a more straightforward way" and have a "firm conversation." They should act the same way they want their child to be. For example, many parents want their children to be open with them. Well if the parent is not doing that and instead spies, that makes no difference between the child and parent, and only leads to misunderstandings. In addition, I would like to disagree with Yvonne Webster on that she didn't have to worry about her younger kids. Parents should not all of a sudden begin to become suspicious once their child is a teen, it should be a relationship they build from childhood, so that their teen won't stray away and be open with them through thick and thin. For example, if the parent is suspicious about where their child is going, openly ask them and tell them about their worry, and ask to have a contact number of a friend who will be with them. They should be open about how much they trust their child, because that itself will make a teen guilty if they do something unsafe. But overall, I highly stress that they should build this open relationship with their child from an young age, which then leaves barely any room for mistakes, suspicion or lack of trust.
ReplyDeleteA teenager ultimate goal is to learn as much about the world to be able to make their own well-reasoned decisions once they become adults. A parent's ultimate goal when raising a teenager is to ensure their teen is making sound enough decisions; A parent shouldn't be holding their hand, but should give the occasional nudge if they notice their teen is heading in the wrong direction.
ReplyDeleteGiven this, I believe that parents should be able to spy on their kids. If (hopefully) there is a loving, trusting relation between parent and child, spying is not needed, but in the case where there is distrust between parent and child (which is not uncommon during adolescence), the only way for a parent to get any sort of factual information is by spying. If the parent's job is to ensure their child is on the right path, it is their first priority to actually know where their child is in life.
While the child wouldn't like it in the short-term, in the long-term the now-adult would realize why their parent's were acting in such a way. While privacy should be important for everybody, teens should put faith in their parents and realize that any loss of privacy from their own parents spying on them is for their own good.
Richard, I would have to respectfully disagree with part of your post. It is true that parents and children should build a relationship of mutual trust so that they can be ready to face the world. However, I don't agree that parents should be able to spy on their kids right away if there is distrust- before resorting to espionage, I think the first method should be to talk straightforwardly with their children and ask them if anything is wrong. If things get worse, then espionage can be used as a last resort. However, in the beginning talking things out may be better for parent-child relationships to occur.
DeleteI would kindly disagree with Richard because if the teen finds out that their parent is spying on them, they would only be motivated to be more secretive about anything even if it's something that is safe to do. I believe that in the future, they would not find their parent approachable which could distant their relationship. Even though they might realize the reasoning behind it as adults, they won't necessarily think it was right, like me. I'd rather have my parents ask me openly and tell me about their concerns instead of going behind my back. Finally, parents begin to spy mostly because they are lacking in trust with their child, and is not receiving the open talk they'd wish they could have. Just like how a child has to earn his/her trust, a parent should build and earn that open relationship with their child from childhood and not just jump into suspicion as soon as they are teens.
DeleteI believe that parents have the right to spy on their teens, but only when they have probable cause. They should just go through their teen’s stuff. There should be some amount of trust and respect for the child. The parents should also confront their child first to see if there is anything wrong. The parents do have the right to go through the teens stuff, but should be a last resort, and something only done if nothing else works. I don’t believe that you have to go to the extent of the parents in the story who checked the bedroom every time the child went out. Trust is created through the years, and if you have earned that trust, your parent have nothing to worry about, and parents should have good conversation with the children first, and see if they have anything to worry about before going out and spying around. They should confront the teen first, and as a last resort spy and go through their children’s stuff.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with your argument that parents can spy on their teens when they have a probable cause. If this is the case, spying isn't the best solution, as it'll just create distrust between the parent and child if the child finds out. The proper solution for parents would be to talk to their children about their worries, as you have mentioned, but even as a last resort, spying isn't the only option. Consulting with their children's friends, teachers, or peers can be a non-intrusive way of learning about their children's situations.
DeleteI agree that parents should confront their teens about possible problems that they may have, but I do not agree that parents should spy on their kids as a last resort. This is because parents do have other options if their kids are not opening up and confiding to their parents what is really going on. Many times, kids are not telling their parents what is really going on, because they are trying to fix the problem themselves, or they just don't want their parents to interfere. In any case, the parents should go to their child's teachers, not friends, because a lot of the time, their friends are engaging in the same activities that their child is, and have that teacher try to help the child get out of their situation.
DeleteI believe that parents should respect their children's privacy, and use espionage as a last resort only if they truly suspect something wrong with their child and have no other means to find out the problem. Parents have a duty to properly raise their children and teach them moral values so that they grow up to be good people, and if their children often stray off the path it could be attributed to the parent's failure to properly teach and raise their children. Often spying for no good reason will create a sense of distrust and weaken the parent-child relationship, and this will just cause the teenagers to lie and rebel even more. Like Dave Clinton states in the essay, "A child's safety should outweigh any qualms about espionage... but this applies only if parents have legitimate reasons to be concerned". Spying just out of fear but with no legitimate evidence will not help teens, rather it will cause them to grow apart and turn to extremes such as sex and drugs. If a parent wants to make sure their child is safe, it is best to ask them straight-up instead of snooping around because it will create a stronger sense of mutual trust and strengthen family relationships. In the end, parents just want to help their children be safe, and grow up to be successful adults ready to face what life has to offer- it's just a matter of going about the right way to do so.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great point, but you have to consider the fact that not all children speak up and talk openly. Also, many children lie to their parents on the topic of drugs and everything else dangerous. Sometimes there needs to be spying because not all parents completely trust their kids. But, I do agree with you that parents should respect their children's privacy. There should be a balance between spying and letting your children be free because children are sometimes unpredictable. I believe the right way is limited espionage.
DeleteI think parents do not have right to spying their children, but if they suspect that there is something wrong with their children, they should talk to the kids instead of spying them. The parents should respect their children's privacy just as their children respect their. The kids will not go to see you are emailing to whom and what do you write to that person. And also if the children found out that their parents have been watch and spying them for a long period of time, they will feel that they cannot trust their parents anymore. Maybe if the parents stop spying their children anymore, the kids will still felt that someone is watching them. This may cause the relationship between parents and children become worse and worse. If the parents find that their children's recent activities are weird, they should call their children for a family meeting and ask them what is going recently. Is anything okey? They should not blame and be angry at the children. They should calmly listen to children's need and problem, then give them advices to what should they do to prevent this thing from happening again. Therefore, I think parents should not spying their children and claim that they are doing something do for the children.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. There is no trust if parents keep skying on their children. Everyone has their privacy,including kids and teenagers. If there is no trust between parents and children, that leads bad relationships.I agree that parents should have good communication with children when they have any problem, instead of spying on children.
DeleteI believe that parents should have the right to spy on their kids, but they should set a limit to how much they spy on their kids. For example, I have a friend whose parents look through their phones and laptops to make sure they are not involved in any trouble. It should not be a problem for the kids to let their parents just have a quick look through their electronics if the children have nothing to hide. Those children who have a tendency to get involved in dangerous situations should be spied on by their parents. Evidently, the job of being parents is to protect their kids. If kids are not as open to their parents, parents will be naturally suspicious of the what their children might do. These type of children will only be protected by their parents. In the end, parents should also respect their children's privacy because they are human and would like to have a sense of independence. Finding the right balance between espionage and independence is important for children's growth, which would benefit them in the future as adults.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the idea that parents should set a limit to how much they spy on their kids. It is the parents' duty to protect their children. I also like your idea that is it important to "find the right balance between espionage and independence" because even though it may seem like a violation of privacy, it will help them in the future as adults.
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ReplyDeleteI believe that parents do not have the right to spy on their children, as it is a direct invasion of their privacy. Even though parents are responsible for their children, a line must be drawn when parents take things too far. Speaking from experience, there is plenty of information I keep hidden from my parents, such as my facebook messages and text messages. I do this simply because I want to keep what I discuss with my friends private from my parents, but if they do request for information, I do give it to them. This brings me to my next point: it's okay for parents to ask for information. The key word is ask, as parents should have the permission of their children to know about their private life. What makes spying so terrible is that the children have no say in it, which destroys any sense of trust between child and parent. Parents have to respect their children as who they are: other human beings. Parents are the role models of their children, and as such they could jeopardize the growth of their child. Spying on their children is the equivalent of telling them that it's okay to invade other people's privacy, and that could be potentially dangerous. For the safety of their children's future, parents shouldn't have the right to spy on their children.
ReplyDeleteAlthough as a teenager I have strong feeling against parents or anyone in general spying on me, but as a parent or standing in the position of management and safety, I agree with the fact parents should be spying on teenagers to protect them from falling into the dark side (use of drug/alcohol), but feel the urge to express the importance of Fran Scott's belief that espionage can be dangerous to the relationship between the parent and child, as relationships are built upon a delicate bridge called trust. To follow this philosophy, the spying should be done with precaution such as how Carolyn Sehmer, as she titled as Soft Spying, collecting information through phone calling and public information.
ReplyDeleteThe importance as a parent is to teach children how to earn the trust and freedom, and deliver the message that trust can be broken easily, but hard to earn back. Indeed, as Lipics said "Children aren't born deserving trust; they earn it". Even if you are being questioned by children, it is an important lesson to be learn, in addition to keeping the children safe. With above being stated, I strongly express that I agree with the idea of spying children as a person in charge and responsible.
I think that parents do not have the right to spy on a child. If a parent feels the need to break the trust they have with their children I believe the main problem is them as a parent. As a parent you should raise your child in a way and an environment where they know what it right and wrong. A teenager is going to make bad decisions there is no way to prevent that. The best thing to do is to raise your child with respect and trust so they know they can talk to their parents about anything. If the kids respect their parents they will know what is wrong and what is right. Spying on teenagers will shaken the relationship a parent has with a child and will cause them to resent their parents. Eventually the teenagers will become adults and then a parent cannot do anything about their child's decisions. If a parent wants to keep their child safe, start teaching them from the beginning do not wait until they do something wrong to tell them what is right and wrong.
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DeleteI believe that the core value in a family relationship should be trust. A child should trust their parents and the parents should trust their children. By showing trust, parents can set an example as a respectable adult figure which then leads to the child trusting the parent in return. In case of a serious suspicion where the child's safety or future is in jeopardy, I believe that the parent should talk to the child about the problems. In the article, Brittany Cable says "If they need to find something out, they should just ask me and I'll let them know." Which shows the point of view of the child. Children feel that if the parents were sincerely worried, they should just ask and talk with the child about the problem instead of spying on them. Spying on them will make the kids feel worried about what else their parents are doing, which will only lead to further problems. Parents should give the respect and trust that all children deserve.
ReplyDeleteI disagree because parents can still be a respectable and trustable adult figure while still looking out for their children instead of giving them full free reign. Say that child starts drug abusing and so feels comfortable enough to tell their parents, is the parents only expected to just talk without action.
DeleteParents do not have a right to spy on their children. Although parents often have good intentions for monitoring, such as protecting their teenager from getting influenced by inappropriate sources, one of the most crucial part of a parent-teen relationship is to build mutual trust. If teenagers have trust in their parents, they will likely share their daily lives and concerns with their parents. Also, teenagers are exploring their paths to adulthood and the real world. If parents constantly spy on their teens, the teenager's personal growth will be damaged in the long run. Parents have to understand that sooner or later, they would have to face the reality of letting go of their children, and letting them be their own individual, without the support of parents. If parents constantly tie their teen up and hold all control of their teen, the teen might face the possibility of depression and anxiety when they are finally set free. However, if parents and teen have mutual trust, teens will in return thank their parents for raising them and respect their parents opinions, even when they are working as their own individual. Although parental anxiety is something that cannot be avoided, it is also important for parents to know that allowing their teen to have privacy is one of the most pivotal part of their development into successful individuals.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying but I must say I have to disagree with your statement that parents do not have a right to spy on their children. I agree that the teen and parent should build their relationship on trust. But it is the parent's responsibility to protect their child. If the teen is hiding things from his/her parent, in a way the teen is leaving the parent no other choice. If spying is the only way a parent can protect their teen, then I would say spying is better than letting your teen suffer. But I agree that there should most definitely be a limit to the spying.
DeleteAriana, I respectfully disagree with your argument because although parents should respect the privacy of their children, I believe that it is important for parents to understand what their children are going through. Parents should protect their children because it is their responsibility. If there is evidence that their teen is hiding something, it is the parents responsibility to find out. There should be a limit to spying; however, if it is to protect the child, it should be done.
DeleteI think that parents should not spy on their children. When there is espionage trust is lost between the parent and child. The child no longer feels safe and will find different ways to hide what they are doing. This will make it even harder for parents to spy. Beyond this the child will no longer trust in the parents. If the child has problems they will not confide in the parents. This may complicate problems because the child has no one to ask advice of. As children they will not have the experience to solve their problems. This results in a mountain of problems, that can result in severe problems for the child. This all stemmed from the lost of trust, which is why parents should not break a child trust by spying on them. However, setting limits for children and having them respect the limits is important. Keeping track of where your children are is important, but it should not be to the extent of following them. The trust relationship between parents and children will be important later in life. When the child matures into an adult this relationship will still be there. This is why parents should not spy on their children.
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ReplyDeleteWith the multiple forms of danger in the faces of students and parents that threaten the High School environment, many parents resort to spying on their children to protect them. Despite the multitude of dangers, I believe that while it is important for teenagers to be safe, but parents should not spy on to control their children. Although parents might believe that the only way to control their children is by spying, it is not only unnecessary, and almost even an intrusion on the teenager´s privacy. In many cases, the teen usually realize that they are being spied on by their parents. Even though the article ¨Should You Spy on Your Teen?¨ has parents that think that spying on their teen will allow the parent to be able to trust their child, but in return, the teen will be unable to trust their parents. By giving privacy to teenagers will allow trust to naturally form between the parent and child. Although parents think that spying on their children will result in understanding their child more, I think that the more the parent wants to understand the teenage culture, the less their child would want to trust and explain to their parents. From personal experience, I believe that communicating with my parents about teenage culture is necessary only when larger problems arise. Parent should learn that without experiencing danger in the High School environment will result in having a harder time later on in their lives. Letting teens make mistakes and allowing them to learn from them will help them understand the extent of what they can do. Overall, maintaining a trustful relationship between children and parents is very important and cannot be established when the parent is spying on their child.
ReplyDeleteI understand that parents are constantly worried about their children, but spying is not the way to go to steer them away from harmful influences. Parents should create a healthy, open relationship with their children from the beginning, so children will share everything with their parents. I have learned this through experience, because my parents are complete opposites. My mom has created that open relationship with me and I literally tell her everything; she is the one person I have absolutely nothing to hide from. My dad on the other hand, hasn't take the effort to create any type of relationship, so I don't feel the need to tell him anything. One day, I walked into my room and opened my Facebook on my laptop and a bunch of chats were open, which I found very suspicious. I asked my dad if he had touched my computer and he said he had "some work" to do on it, but I confronted him with the issue. Now, I don't trust him at all, and I double, even triple check to make sure I'm logged out of every account when I leave home. I stopped telling him even the little things that were going on in my life. Overall, spying is a terrible idea, because more than keeping your kids safe, it will simply push them away.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part, I agree with your argument that parents should not spy on their children. However, I think that spying isn't a terrible idea when there is a safety concern at hand. Although we live in such a safe place, parents from other places in the world may have more legitimate reasons to spy. When they spy, it can be slightly harmful to the relationship between the parent and the child, but if a parent snoops and sees that the child is thinking about committing suicide (for example), then spying would not be such a terrible idea.
DeleteI think that parents should respect the privacy of their children; however, if there are suspicions rising due to the kids behavior then they should be allowed to do whatever it is to make sure of the situation. Invading the privacy of children damages the trust the child has with their parents. In the article "SHould You Spy on Your Teen?" Laura Schlessinger says, "Children who are 'off track' don't generally talk openly to their parents-out of guilt, shame, emotional problems, foolishness, etc.," I agree with this statement and I believe that if the parents continue spying on their children, it will cause a disconnect with their parents because they believe that there is no trust in the relationship. Although privacy is important for a teen, it is also important that safety is enforced strongly. Having discussions with a teen helps relieve the stress they hold onto and may create more evidence to find out more about the teen. It is important for parents to only spy on their children if they believe there is evidence of a problem occurring. If there is no evidence, it is also important to respect the teen's privacy.
ReplyDeleteI believe that parents don't have a right to spy on their children unless they truly feel it is necessary for the safety of their children. Fran Stott says that espionage "might undermine any foundation of mutual trust a parent needs to build with a teenager" and I agree. Trust is important in any familial relationship and spying not only fractures that trust, but also respect for their children. Invading someone's privacy without their permission, even if the person had good intentions, is disrespectful because to me, you say that their personal belongings don't matter and can be disclosed to anyone. I know that parents who do spy on their children do so out of fear of their children going "off track", but unless the children show signs of drug abuse, drinking, and the like, parents shouldn't interfere with their children's lives. Trust is hard earned as the Lipics say, but it is also a two way street. How could those parents expect their children to trust telling their parents what happens in their lives knowing that they're being investigated for something they might not have done? If parents sincerely want the best for their children, they should put faith in their children before resorting to more severe measures like espionage.
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe that parents do have a right to spy on their kids. From the moment we are born, a parent’s greatest duty is raising their child through the hurdles of life, and trying their best to ensure that their children lead healthy, fulfilling lives. However, this duty becomes especially difficult during a child’s teenage years. A teenager is in a period in his or her life where their entire life is changing. Their bodies are growing, they are experiencing completely alien emotions, and on top of that are going through a phase of their life where they are being made to make several decisions that will affect the rest of their lives such as their choice of college. In light of the immense pressure placed upon teenagers, it is no surprise that many seek some sort of release or seek some way to cope with the drastic changes in their lives in the form of alcohol, drugs, or sex. This is especially true today when these particular vices are displayed prominently in media and sometimes almost with a positive connotation. The effects of this are evident when one sees that “about 62 percent of high school seniors report having gotten drunk.” Moreover, “about 42 percent had used drugs in the last year” as well. The statistics only support that teenagers are at risk and thus it is essential that parents be able to everything they possibly can to help their children lead healthy, safe, and fulfilling lives. Parents should have the right to spy on their teenagers to ensure that they are able to protect their children from malicious influences. Teenagers are very unlikely to directly ask their parents for help, and as such it is up to the parents to take up the initiative to protect their children, and they can only do this if they have the right to spy on their children. Parents only want the best for their children in the end. They were once teenagers too and went through similar phases. They have made mistakes and learnt from them and are now able to prevent their own children from making those mistakes. Allowing parents to spy on their children may seem like an invasion of privacy, but considering the widespread issues caused by alcohol, drugs, and sex, the benefits of allowing parents to spy on their children outweigh the risks.
ReplyDeleteI fundamentally agree with your idea that a parent's job is to make sure that kids get through the "hurdles of life." The issue I have with what you say after this is that parents won't always be there to help you, especially once you go to college and start living on your own. Parents certainly want the best for their kids, but sometimes the best thing they can do is nothing, but this can be especially difficult for parents to do because of how much they love their kids. If I was a parent, I'd be more scared of what my kid did in college where I can't help him or her at all rather than being able to teach him how to deal with the very real dangers they face in a controlled environment.
DeleteHi Rohit,
DeleteYou bring up a good point when saying that parents have a duty to make sure that their children lead healthy and fulfilling lives, and should thus take any measures to protect them from harm. I agree partly with your statement, and believe that parents do have the responsibility of caring for their kids, but I disagree with your solution, which is espionage. Sometimes, it is best for the parents to seek professional help rather than engaging in espionage to fix problems with their child, as the latter could severely fracture the relationship that parents have with their kids. For example,parents engaging in espionage might lead their kids to believe that their parents don't trust them, which is a fundamental building block of the relationship between kids and their parents.Thus, parents should seek other solutions besides spying.
Hi Rohit,
DeleteI like your take on the question but feel you didn't really answer it. You say you believe that parents should have the right to spy on their children but they already do have the right. I feel like you think that when they express their right to spy on their children it is good for the children's safety and although I agree with that I also feel that it may create a larger boundary or distance with their child they may further the trust between them.
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DeleteWhile I agree with the fact that kids should be helped through the hurdles of life, I also believe that being supervised through the process takes away from their learning opportunities and preparation for independence. As you had mentioned, parents have gone through similar mistakes and learned from them, giving the parents the ability to teach their children. Had the parents been spied on, they would not have made the mistakes or learned from them. The teenagers' ability to make their own choices mixed with their parents' bounds and occasional wisdom is what creates their sense of right and wrong. I also feel that parents spying on their children detracts from their chance at developing independence. At a certain point, children will have to join the real world and cannot have their parents looking over their shoulder to protect them.
DeleteI think most of us will agree that it is the responsibility of the parent to help the child through life; however, that is all a parent should be--a guide, not a remote control. People learn and grow by making mistakes and encountering tough situations. When they become adults, children have to be ready to face the real world and the challenges and temptations it holds. If, from birth to adulthood, there is always a shadowing presence behind them telling them exactly what to do and what choices to make, they really have no idea how to make their own decisions and may end up falling into bad behaviors because they are simply too naive or inexperienced to realize that they are following a bad crowd.
DeleteAdditionally, I believe that the consequences of spying on the parent-child relationship is not worth the gain. If a child feels betrayed or overwhelmed by their parents' actions, they will most likely end up alienating them more than ever, leaving them prey to things like drugs and alcohol because they only want to defy their parents, not listen to them.
Rohit, I agree with you that parents should help their children and teach them how to stay away from dangerous influences. However, parents can’t always protect their children. Just like their parents, teenagers need to learn from their own mistakes. Sooner or later, teenagers will have to face outside influences by themselves, without the need of their parents. If the parent continuously protect their children from outside influences, the teenager will live in his own bubble away from the real world. In addition, if parents are too controlling and authoritative, their children won’t know how to make decisions by themselves in the future. Parents can’t always be by their children’s side, and will have to trust them to make the right decisions and choices. If they make a mistake, parents need to believe in their children that they will learn from their experience. It is through experience and hardship that people mature and grow.
DeleteI think there are situations where spying on your teen is good and others when it's bad. It all depends on the situation and the teen. Not everyone is the same. Some teens are more responsible and mature than others, thus they can be trusted more. Depending on the mindset of the child, the parents should take a call whether they should spy or not. In the article "Should You Spy On Your Teen?", Laura Schlessinger says that, "Children who are 'off track' don't generally talk openly to their parents-". I completely agree with her statement because you only hide your actions when you know people will not appreciate them. If it is obvious that the teen is hiding things, the parent should spy so that the situation does not go out of hand. Then again, parents should not spy on their teen only because he/she entered high school. Like I mentioned earlier, everyone is different, so spying based on early assumptions is a bad idea. All parents just want to make sure their child is safe. Unless the situation points towards no other solution than spying, parents should try to talk to their teen instead of resorting to spying right off the bat.
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of your statement, but there is one small part I don't agree with. I do not think that a parent spying on their child will do any good. Unless the parent does interfere with whatever shady activities that are happening, the spying won't amount to anything, except maybe numerous fights between the child and parent when the child finds out.
DeleteI agree with your statement that a parent should not spy on their children just due to the fact that they are high school age. Many people, parents and students included, believe that the beginning of high school represents a big change in lifestyle, that it is for some reason different. I do not agree with this. Parents should feel out their own situations, and realize that no child is the same.
DeleteI understand your point that some parents may feel the need to spy on their children. However, this creates a distrust between the parent and the child. If the child does find out, it will create more tension between the parents and child and will lead the child to hide more information. I do not agree that parents should resort to spying - ever. Talking to one's children openly about whatever situation is going on is the best, most effective way to understand one's child and to preserve the relationship between parent and child.
DeleteI believe that parental spying is defensible in some cases, but unnecessary in others. If a teenager exhibits some kind of negative behavior, such as decreased motivation or a change in attitude, spying can be helpful and justified to determine the reason for these differences. However, spying should only be used as a last resort, if a teenager does not open up to his or her parents in a regular conversation. Even then, certain boundaries should not be crossed, because the primary effect of spying should not be to invade teenagers’ privacy. If a teenager’s behavior is normal, the parents should not spy on him or her. Ross Werland’s “Should You Spy on Your Teen?” includes the perspective that spying on teens can serve as a deterrent to sex, alcohol, and drugs. This may be true, but there are less invasive ways to accomplish the same.
ReplyDeleteParents have the right to spy on their own children, however, it should not be necessary to spy on them in the first place. From my personal experience of having a single working mother, I had a lot more freedom than most people had. I was almost always unsupervised at home for several hours after school; however, I have not and never will touch a drug or abuse alcohol. I know I will not because since I was young I was taught and shown the effects of substance abuse. My parent does not need to spy on me because she did her job to teach me the real danger of things most parents hide from their children. However, other more unfortunate children may not have been able to experience what I had and have a high chance of doing things they should not do. In that case the parent should keep an eye on their children.
ReplyDeleteI believe the parents does have the right to spy on their children, given certain circumstances. If there is probable cause or reason to believe that their children is acting suspiciously. However, I don't believe this suspicion can just stem from common concern or curiosity, but has to actually come from something out of the ordinary that their child is doing. Also, I think once the parent has spied on their child and the child has not lied or been dishonest about their activities, the child has earned their parents trust until they believe it is reasonable to check their children's activities again. From my personal experience, as far as I know my parents have never spied on me, and honestly have no reason to because 98% of the time I tell the truth of my whereabouts. However, I have seen my search history open before on my computer, but again I do not have anything to hide and they did buy the computer for me, so I think it was within my parents' right to check what I was using my computer for.
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DeletePeople change as teenagers--they create their moral compass, define themselves, and have massive growth. It is also a vulnerable time, making it important that the teenagers stay on the right path. Thus, while teenagers should be taught to be responsible and learn independance, they should also be watched closely to ensure their safety.
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned before, it is important to foster an independent mindset and teach teens responsibility. These traits, however, can only be created when there is a certain level of trust between the parents and the children. During an interview, Will Smith spoke about his parenting techniques, where he detailed his “circle of trust.” He gave his children complete freedom, but expected their actions to be appropriate and respectable. If Jaden and Willow ever crossed the line, he and his wife would get involved and watch the kids closely. The children would then have to work to regain their parents’ trust. This is a tactic that both Dave Clinton and Laura Schlessinger employed with their children. As they stated, “parents are to respect children’s...stuff” until “there might be a problem”.
This way, teenagers are given room to develop and grow. It is a perfect balance--teenagers neither have total freedom nor live under constant surveillance. When they need a “course correction,” however, parents can get involved and ensure their child’s safety.
I agree that people change as teenagers, however, that is the case with adulthood as well. Teenagers should have already been taught independence and their responsibilities long before they became teenagers; therefore parents should be confident that they taught their children well and not have to constantly watch them closely. Parents should not babysit their teenagers as they change or else they will not know how to handle change in the future.
DeleteI think parents should be able to trust their child enough to the point, where they can simply ask their child if everything is alright. Although it is a parent's job to look out for their child, it's also their job to have trust in their kid. Being unable to trust your child can make them doubt their relationship with you. When parents display trust towards their child, it shows that the relationship between parent and child is strong. But, when parents doubt their child, the child tends to start hiding more things from the parent due to the fear that their parents might yell at them. For example, one of my friends went to a party with her friends and she told her mom that she was sleeping over at someone's house. My friend lied to her mom because she knew that if she said that she was going to a party her mom wouldn't let her go. But, eventually my friend was caught because her mom had installed a tracker on her phone without her knowing about it. I believe that my friend's mom should've addressed her concerns about her daughter going out with her friends before hand. I agree with Stott's statement, when she said "there aren't times when teenagers show signs we need to take very seriously-evidence of drug use, an eating disorder or a drinking problem. It is our job as parents to sort it out. I personally would try to do it in a more straight-forward way." Privacy and being able to be trusted by a parent is a right of a child. But, being spied on by their parent is alarming.
ReplyDeleteSpying on kids is not the right way to raise them. While they are facing new experiences and challenges every day, parents and children should earn each other’s trust from the very beginning. While being clueless about their personal life is not efficient, neither is it efficient to spy on them. The best way would be to develop a strong communication ground.
ReplyDeleteBlindly trusting a child is not the proper way to lead them in the right direction. Blindly trusting children will make them feel as if they have the permission to do anything they want, without consequences, as shown by a survey, where “50 percent of high school girls and boys have engaged in sexual intercourse,” and many teenagers are also involved “via Internet sex merchants and chatroom stalkers.” These are teenagers participating in activities that they may feel guilt to talk to an adult with. Therefore, a parent cannot blindly trust a teenager to choose what he/she wants to participate in until the teenager knows how to responsibly make choices for him/herself. As Laura Schlessinger says, “...when a parent has reason to believe that there might be a problem--sex, drugs, criminality, for example--it is their obligation… to help and protect their child.” They might be involved in activities that they need guidance, yet don’t know how to approach a parent or a trustworthy adult.
On the other hand, spying on children is not the right way to guide them into making right decisions either. The fact that “62 percent of high school seniors reported having gotten drunk… [and] 42 percent had used drugs in the last year,” shows that teenagers are not comfortable talking about these issues to a trusted adults to guide them into making the right decision. There is not data that shows how spying on children helped prevent these cases either.
The best way would be to develop trust between the child and parent because right now, children feel uncomfortable to talk with anyone about these topics. As Barbara Cavanagh “agrees that many kids do not talk openly.” Stott also says that, “loving but firm confrontation is a better approach than spying.”
I don't think parents should have the right to spy on their adolescent children even if it's for safety reasons. In the article, the Lipics spied on their children when they went out, and even went through their personal belongings when they weren't home. I don't think they should have the right to do this because it's an invasion of privacy. If the parents did a good job raising the kids, they shouldn't have to be so worried that their children might start doing bad things. The job of a parent is to teach their children right and wrong, and when the kid starts becoming a teenageer, the parents should let go and let the kid live their life with privacy. My personal observation is that as long as the parents trust the kid enough, there shouldn't be the need to track their location or go through their personal belongings. In order to help the kid grow, the parents need to give them space to make their own mistakes and learn from it. If the parent was always in control and telling the kid what to do and not do, the kid would never grow up.
ReplyDeleteI think that communication is very important and as long as both parties are willing to be open and let each other know what is going on,there would be no need for spying on the kid. In addition, I think if the parents were to ask the kid for permission to track their location, go through their backpacks, etc, then that would be okay as long as the kid agrees.
Overall, I think that spying on kids would only break the trust between the parent and the kid and it would do more harm than good. If the parent wanted to be more involved in the kid's lives, there are other ways to get involved besides secretly going through their phones and stalking them.
Parents should not spy on their children; if they need to figure out what their child is doing, they should just ask. Spying breaks the mutual trust of parent and child, and in the future, the parent might trust the child (as a result of their spying) but the child may not trust the parent anymore. Parents should trust their children to a certain extent, but not to the point of allowing their child to go anywhere without asking any questions. If a parent has a legitimate reason to be concerned, the child should not be annoyed by their questions since one of the jobs of a parent is to be worried about how their child will turn out. Having said that, if the parent is too strict, the child won't turn out well either. In the article, Barbara Cavanagh says that she "[loves her children] to death, but [doesn't] trust them". She respects their privacy, which is good, but not trusting them at all is a bit of a stretch.
ReplyDeleteHi Cindy,
DeleteI do agree with your point on the fact that spying might break the trust relationship between parents and their children. However, I do feel that spying should be an option during the adolescent stages. Teens are exposed to many factors, and in order to ensure safety (when doubted most), parents should be able to spy and assist their children.
Regardless, parents should be aware of the implications of trust that spying might have!
I don't think the idea of premeditated spying is warranted in any situation. By the time their kids are in high school, parents will have known their children for roughly 15 years, more than enough time for them to know how their children will act in any given situation and certainly enough time to gain the trust of their child. Spying is a construct of fear; when a parent passes it off as "wanting what is best for my child" isn't just lying to himself or herself, its lying to the child and breaking the trust that the parents and children have spent years building in each other. I'm a teen, and if I were to find out that my parents were spying on me, it would severely hurt our relationship and would tell me a lot about their character. Because really, spying on a child isn't trying to help the kid, it's trying to reassure the parent that they're doing everything in their power to help the kid.
ReplyDeleteAnd in the end, life isn't easy. Kids don't always have their parents watching them from the top of the stairwell. At some point, they're going to have to learn how to live on their own, and it's much better if they can learn how to live in a safer and more controlled environment at home, at school, and with their friends rather than doing it for the very first time in college. Spying doesn't set kids up for success, it only delays and worsens the inevitable experiences that are necessary - good or bad - for a child's transformation into an adult.
While I do not completely disagree with you, there is a statement that I would like to address. Saying parents should know their child very well by the time they are 15 is not the case in every family. Parents and their child may have a bad relationship as a young kid, distancing themselves even from a young age. Also, people can change drastically. Just because a child was an innocent, straight A student in middle school, it does not mean he/she will keep that up in high school. Teens will go through puberty and mature, realizing that an adult world far beyond what they have experienced is waiting for them. Who knows how that will affect the teen? In the case of a child becoming a severely misbehaving teen, I believe parents do have a right to monitor their teen.
DeleteI believe spying is ok, but only to a certain limit. The limit depends on the family and what the kids are comfortable with. I agree with Stott that spying too intensively can hurt parent-child relationships. Although it may seem like the safest thing to do for parents, for teens, spying may be an invasion of privacy. Instead of actually spying like listening over phone calls and snooping through the teen’s room, limiting opportunities for teens to misbehave is a great way to control them, like Barbara Cavanagh does with her children. Cavanagh has seven children and she manages them permitting only certain activities. “‘Love them to death, but don’t trust them, ‘ she said.” Parents should only engage in serious spying if they have reason to suspect their teen, but once the teen earns his/her parents’ trust, parents should reduce the monitoring.
ReplyDeleteYour suggestion that parents "limit opportunities for teens to misbehave" is very interesting, but it also seems to ignore the real-world benefits that can come from those opportunities. Children learn from their mistakes - from the guilt they feel after making a classmate cry, the F they get after getting caught cheating on a test, or even how bad it feels when another child takes advantage of them - and taking away the opportunity for children to make mistakes would also seem to take away the opportunity for them to learn from those mistakes. As parents won't always be around to protect their children from potential mistakes, wouldn't such a solution do little more than delay the mistake-learning process until after they grow up (when mistakes have a much larger impact on the person's life)?
DeleteI'm a strong believer in the idea of children earning their right to security and trust from their parents through strong communication and appropriate behavior. It's important that a child feels trusted by their parents, which often times holds kids accountable to themselves to preserve that trust. However, I also believe that proper guidance and mutual understanding of the direction that a parent is providing a child is essential towards a growing boy/girl.
ReplyDeleteChildren aren't mature from birth - it takes years and years, even past the legal age of 18, to fully develop. Hence, I believe that parents, as nurturers of a child, should progressively give their children more and more freedom as they grow, never engaging in spying on their children, but communicating with them and ensuring suspicious activity remains low.
Privacy is important, but it's a trust that must be earned - displaying a kind of maturity that a child shows to their parent to show that they're ready to accept more responsibility.
When I was in elementary school my parents used to be extremely strict with who I was hanging out with and what day to day activities I was engaging with, but it ranged from casual conversations about my friends to what I did during recess at school. They had an inherent trust in me, and as I communicated and showed more concern to priorities and independence, they granted that to me, letting me hang out with friends outside of their homes, walking home from school, getting a Facebook account, etc. They stepped in only when they needed to.
It was the small things, but it told me that my parents had faith that I was on the right path. If they ever found me steering off one way or the other, they'd sit down and talk with me - occasionally even suspending certain rights that I hadn't shown enough maturity to handle with (ex. I wasn't coming home on time or picking up phone calls). They always gave them back to me, as long as I showed them I was learning and growing from it.
Spying isn't necessary at all - communication and trust are far more essential towards building an open relationship between parents and kids.
It is an undeniable fact that teens are commonly involved in substance abuse and criminal activity. The solution to this problem is not, however, to engage in espionage. Sure, espionage allows parents to track and monitor all the activities that their kids engage in, but, it is much easier to directly confront a teen about a problem if the parents have reason believe their kids are engaging in inappropriate activity. Teens involved in inappropriate activity will often try to hide it from their parents, but it is usually very apparent to parents when their kids try to hide something. If parents believe that their kid is engaging in misconduct, it is better to seek professional help rather than spy on their kids. Espionage will shatter the parent-child relationship, and can prove to be very difficult to repair, especially as their children get older, and can often lead a child to be very aloof from their parents. In the interest of avoiding an adverse relationship with their children, parents should not engage in espionage.
ReplyDeleteIt is an undeniable fact that teens are commonly involved in substance abuse and criminal activity. The solution to this problem is not, however, to engage in espionage. Sure, espionage allows parents to track and monitor all the activities that their kids engage in, but, it is much easier to directly confront a teen about a problem if the parents have reason believe their kids are engaging in inappropriate activity. Teens involved in inappropriate activity will often try to hide it from their parents, but it is usually very apparent to parents when their kids try to hide something. If parents believe that their kid is engaging in misconduct, it is better to seek professional help rather than spy on their kids. Espionage will shatter the parent-child relationship, and can prove to be very difficult to repair, especially as their children get older, and can often lead a child to be very aloof from their parents. In the interest of avoiding an adverse relationship with their children, parents should not engage in espionage.
ReplyDeletePrivacy is a given right with every individual. However, it becomes a gray-shaded area for adolescents as it this is a stage where the learning curb is still present. A certain transparency is necessary between parents and their children as this stage that molds their behavior in the future. I do agree that parents should give children their privacy, but when safety is a concern, there should be actions taken towards ensuring that their children are on the right path. This may be through spying through their children’s cell phones and so forth. Privacy in this case is not being sacrificed at its entirety, rather it is being monitored as to whether it is being abused. Privacy for adolescents should start out as a privilege, just as it is with trust. The important fact here is that parents have to be careful in handling trust between their children, as privacy can destroy that relationship. For instance, I had watched a show the other day where adolescents were going through a juvenile correction program. Parents were too aware and stringent on acting upon their children’s behavior but did not consider the necessity of privacy when in that process. This lead to more trouble for their children in trying to attain that privacy and trust.
ReplyDeleteI believe parents spying on their kids is the wrong way to keep kids on the right path. Teens know what's right and whats wrong, so getting in trouble won't change how they think. In fact, kids would probably just perform the same activities in a new way so that parents wont catch them the second time. The best way for parents to raise their kids is by teaching them the difference between the right and the wrong. Once you build a value system for your kids and reinforce it in their heads, they'll be able to go down the right path by themselves. Keeping tabs on what they do on the social media is simply an invasion of privacy and stunts the growth for teens. When parents start to monitor their kids, the kids will start to lose trust in their parents. If anything, it damages the relationship between parents and kids.
ReplyDeleteI feel like a good solution to the problem for overly protective parents would be parental guidance settings. These settings simply block any material that might be inappropriate but they don't give information to parents on what the user was trying to access. Either way, I feel like students should be allowed to grow on their own and learn from their mistakes. Teens are all bound to make mistakes, and parents trying to stop them is just stunting growth and maturity for teens. So, if a solution is really needed, I suggest using parental guidance. However, I won't ever use any restrictions on my kids.
I feel like spying on your teen is not a good parenting method as instead of protecting your kid it may even divide them further away from you. If a teen finds out that your are spying from them instead opening up to what they may have been doing they might just hide it more and more. Instead of spying you should find away for the teen themselves to come forward with the truth so they understand why they shouldn't do it again. Even if you do catch them doing something like taking drugs the problem will still linger around if they feel that you were unjust going through their personal belongings or don't think that what they are doing is wrong. Just like you need a warrant to search a house or facility parents at least need sufficient belief before searching a through a teen's private space. I also feel that even if you stop a kid from smoking some weed or etc that he or she will still end up trying it later on in life so it is important to let them make them mistake sooner so the effects of their wrongdoings are limited and can't scale as much as doing a wrongdoing by yourself in college. For example a teen trying out drugs or alcohol in high school is better than them trying it in college because in college you don't go home to your parents at the end of the day and you aren't being watched over. Making mistakes is an important and natural way of life and parents shouldn't interfere with it unless it is truly detrimental for their children.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Sahlik on the idea of trying things in high school is in a way better than if done in college because in college teenagers are far more independent and won't have a parent like figure in their lives. It is much easier to influence a teenagers decisions while they live at home rather than on a college campus. establishing the morals earlier on in their lives will help later on. ALso learning from their mistakes earlier will help in the long run
DeleteI do not believe parents should spy on their teens. I understand that they just want what is best for them but this is not the way to do it. It may be tempting to spy on them to see if they are doing something they should not be doing but it is wrong. You should trust that you raised your child properly and know that they won't do anything too bad. If you are really overprotective of your child they will just be more tempted to do bad things when the opportunity presents itself. It can also be very detrimental to your relationship with your child. If a teen feels that their parents do not trust them it will just make the teen do bad things. Their mindset will not be to prove their parent wrong their mindset will be "Well they already think I do it anyway" so there will be less incentive to not do it. The teenager will feel that they have already disappointed their parents so now they will just become worse. From my personal experience, teens who have very strict parents are more likely to rebel. A person has to make mistakes on their own to find out what is best for them, they are not going to be sheltered their entire life. I am not saying that the parents should just let the child do everything they want, their has to be boundaries somewhere but you need to find a happy middle. If a child has a good relationship with their parent then they would not want to be dishonest with them and therefore they would have good morals.
ReplyDeleteI agree that spying is not entirely the right way to go about parenting teens. They should be given guidance rather than being supervised the whole time. However, if spying is the only way to ensure that a teen will not make a life threatening decision, it is a small price to pay. Once the teen can gain responsibility, the act of spying no longer becomes an issue. Although at first the process may seem like a nuisance, it is essential in ensuring maturity in young adults. While spying may decrease the level of trust that the teen has for the parents, this is irrelevant to the situation as the parent has already established his or her life while the teen is simply starting out. The teen needs to be shown the right way to go about progressing in life, "spying" is just another means of guidance to get this done.
DeleteParent’s have their children’s best interest at heart, but sometimes, parents take things too far to ensure their children’s safety. I, personally, do not feel spying is the right way to protect children. Though it is a direct way to understand what children are doing, it also violates the mutual trust between parents and children. I believe there are more consequences than benefits when spying because if a child discovers that the parent is spying on him or her, he or she will feel betrayed. This would cause distance between the parent and the child which could result in the child purposely acting out. Also, spying violates children’s basic right of privacy. It’s like asking would it be ok if a child looked through all the parent’s belongings to make sure he or she isn’t doing anything wrong. Spying just causes more problems, and shows that parents cannot trust their own children. Children do deserve trust just like any other citizen. If parents are constantly trying to protect and spy on their children, how will children ever live in the real world? The only time spying is permissible is when there is appropriate concern about a child’s activities that are causing him/herself harm. Then, and only then, a parent can search through a child’s room or even follow the child. Children don’t tell parents everything and sometimes spying is the only way to understand what is happening with children and possibly prevent them from harm.
ReplyDeleteSpying on kids is a very counterproductive way of insuring their safety. When a parent is constantly checking up and following their kid, the kid learns how to avoid their parents and lie about what they've been doing. As a teen goes into adulthood, its best that they learn right and wrong themselves and aren't always sheltered by their parents. A personal example of this would be my dad. He doesn't tell me what to do and what not to do, because he expects me to be the judge of my actions, because in the end my bad decisions affect me, so I should be aware of the decisions I make. I agree with my dad's way of parenting because it taught me to make decisions on my own and become a better judge of right and wrong.
ReplyDeleteIn the article, Brittany Cable states that,"There are things teens need to experience on their own." And she states that parents should be there for assistance. I agree with her statement because parents shouldn't be walking with their child every step of the way into adulthood. They should let their kids make their own choices and see the world themselves. All in all, parents want to insure they child's safety, but spying on them isn't going to keep them safe.
I believe that parents should only spy on their children under extreme conditions. Under most conditions, parents should have faith in their children's upbringing, and trust their child to make good decisions. If parents are constantly watching over their children, their children will never feel like they can be independent. It's alright if they make a few mistakes, because mistakes will let them develop and grow to be independent adults. They will soon be leaving and living on their own, so parents should allow them to make their own decisions and trust that they will make the right ones.
ReplyDeleteIn addition, trust goes both ways. When parents violate their children's privacy, their children will not trust them and will not confide in them. If I found out that my parents had been spying on me, then I doubt their trust in me and I would not trust them in return. I would not feel comfortable confessing my problems, to someone who has betrayed my trust. On the other hand, if a teen lies to their parents, then they are breaking their parent's trust and the teen will have to earn back the trust. If the teen has always been honest and has not been exhibiting destructive behavior, then parents have no reason to spy on them. If parents are concerned, then they should have an open conversation with their teen. Spying should be a last resort for parents, not their first option.
Parents should do their best to avoid spying on their kids, they should communicate with their children and trust that they are doing the right thing. I think the only justification to spying on your kids is when they have repeatedly broken your trust. Otherwise, you are just showing your kids that you don't respect them or trust them and it can create huge rifts in the family, because they may slightly lose respect for you too.
ReplyDeleteI think that the only acceptable way to spy on your kids is by going through their things, other methods like going through your child's diary or setting up cameras is extremely inappropriate. Your child's diary hides their inner most personal feelings, things they only feel comfortable sharing with themselves and this should be respected. A diary is a perfect outlet for pent up emotions, and if it has been invaded they will need to find another outlet. Setting up cameras for the purpose of spying on your child is also inappropriate because you want them to view their house as a safe place, and cameras will make the child feel as if they don't have freedom or a safe place to go.
I think the best way to avoid having to spy on your kids is to talk to them. Tell them some personal experiences you've had with drugs or alcohol, and how it affected you. Encourage them to open up to you, and when they admit to something that would be considered bad behaviour, punish them accordingly, but also make sure they know how grateful you are that they told you, so they won't be afraid to open up to you again.
Teenagers are at an age in which they remain in the category of “children” (Child development professors define the age of children as ages 0-18), yet are expected to begin to pick up the qualities and obligations of young adults. Though they often have the physical attributes as well as the capability to behave and think like adults, there is no doubt that, at the core, they may still possess a strong adolescent immaturity. So, when put in environments that hold the possibility of exploration in inappropriate interests such as drugs, sex, or alcohol, teenagers may not always make the most responsible decisions. Therefore, if a parent begins to develop a strong suspicion that their teenager is involved in potentially life threatening situations, I believe they have the right to conduct a little bit of research. That being said, any spying should be minimal and solely for the purpose of the teenager’s safety and well being. Any additional kinds of snooping around are completely unnecessary and even quite disrespectful. A firm believer on the importance of trust within a family, I say the invasion of privacy should only be implemented in the most severe incidents. It is also essential to keep in mind, teenagers are also capable of seeing right from wrong, and should not be babied and lectured. In fact, the most effective learning comes from personal experience/ trial and error. In conclusion, teenagers are young adults that need to be respected as one if maturity is to take place, but if circumstances are appropriate, parents do possess the right to check up on their teenagers.
ReplyDeleteI believe that the most important part in being a parent is building a strong relationship with your children. When parents invade on their child's personal space, without the child's consent, it leads to broken relationships that will never recover back to it original state. By spying on your kid it shows that you don't trust them to make their own decisions, but when the parents leaves their kids alone to make their own decisions it results in a stronger bond between the them.
ReplyDeleteEventually once a kid graduates from high school, parents don't have the same control over them that they use to have. Eventually your child will be forced to make decisions without you around and the only thing that will remain between the parent and the child, is the relationship that they share. Don't ruin your relationship with your child by being nosy.
I think that parents should not spy on their teenagers. One reason is because today's society simply doesn't demand it that much. In current times, many schools teach their students about how drugs are bad for their health. In many cases, the phrase "don't do drugs" is heavily stressed in those lessons. It would be reasonable to believe that in this day and age, most teenagers would be very well aware of the negative effects of drugs. Take myself for example. Both of my parents are busy at work for most of the day, which makes me a bit of a latchkey child. However, I have never been into any situation that the article mentions. I have never done drugs and I have never participated in sexual intercourse or crime simply because I am aware that doing so is generally bad for me and potentially other people. Also, teenagers need to be taught how to be independent, and, bluntly put, monitoring their every move like they're babies is not the way to do so. Teenagers should grow on their own as that's the most effective way for them to mature. Also, as many people may have already mentioned, spying on teenagers will sacrifice the trust between parent and child. Trust is very important in familial relationships. If a child trusts their parent, then they are more likely to listen to what the parent has to say. If one takes all the aforementioned reasons into consideration, it becomes fairly apparent that spying on teenagers generally does more harm than help.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, parents should have the right to see what their kids are doing. Minors are still learning right from wrong, so if they are given complete freedom, they are susceptible to making poor decisions. Even though some may claim that mistakes are the way that teens learn and mature, there may not be any opportunity to do so because the blunders that adolescents make could completely ruin or take their lives. For example, if a teens decide to drink with their friends and drive back home, they may end up losing their lives over one bad decision. Teens should not be learning through the mistakes they made, but the parental guidance that ensures maturity in decision making. Spying is only necessary when the parents are not sure of the teen's maturity at the time. After they learn of the responsibility that comes with being a young adult, the parents no longer have to resort to espionage. The act of spying is only a temporary phase. It ensures that the teen will be ready to become a responsible adult in the future. Without it, it is impossible to determine if the teen has received the right guidance from this young age.
ReplyDeleteInstead of giving parents the right to see what their kids are doing, instead the parents should be focused on developing their children to be moral thinkers for the future. Although these mistakes can harm a child's life, a parent spying on their child will do little to assist them. If I hit up a club and start drinking, unless my parent is there to knock the glass out of my hand, it is unlikely they can do anything to prevent that first mistake. Instead, it is usually after the first one when they find out that they are able to rectify the harms. In addition, there is no metric for when a teen achieves that maturity required to be a young adult so that parents don't have to resort to espionage. Let's say the child does not commit any fallacious acts their whole life, so the parents have nothing to suspect. But suddenly in college, they could and the parents would be oblivious to that occurring.
DeleteIn order for the teen to become a responsible adult, they need to learn these things extremely young so that they won't ever be in a position where they may do something bad.
Parents should not spy on their children unless there is a dire need to. A dire need can be defined as one in which there is no other option available to retract information that is important for the welfare of the children. In most cases of parenting, dire situations do not occur, and parents resort to snooping even for the smallest suspicions. Many parents believe that if they spy on their children, they are better parents, and raise better children, because they can keep their children in control. It is true that there are certain things that especially adolescents come in contact with that may be harmful to their future, such as drugs, crime, sex, etc. What parents need to do, instead of snooping around to see what their children are doing, is instill values in their children from a young age. A good parent teaches his or her child morals so that the child can grow up learning that he or she alone is responsible for his or her actions. No matter how controlled children are, if they do not have moral values instilled in them, they will undoubtedly fail in life. When parents resort to snooping, they also make themselves feel responsible for their child's actions. This is a misunderstanding for the parent and the child. Parents are there to build the foundation and set the child on the right track, but the children are responsible alone for the choices they make, and these decisions are not hard, if the values are present to guide them. Also, if children are aware that their parents are snooping on them, they will believe that "if I am doing something wrong, my mom or dad will figure out and correct me". The children instead should be thinking, "I need to correct myself. Am I doing something wrong?" I am not saying that children have developed enough to be able to make correct decisions all the time. There are parents for a reason, and parents should do their best in raising the child. I just do not believe that snooping is the best method to take, because of all the misconceptions in can create in the child. Communication is important in a relationship, and if parents want to help their children, there is nothing better than communication. Stott is correct when he states that "espionage can be dangerous to parent-child relationships." Because if a parent does not respect a child, how will the child respect the parent?
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is that it's is the parent's duty to watch over their child's actions and monitor them. No matter if the child is a toddler, an adolescent, a teen, and in some cases even an adult, parents at least have to be aware of the actions they are taking an deciding what to do in that particular situation. From my personal experience, many teens feel pressured from their peers when it comes to academics, clothes, money, etc. and feel like they want to fit into the group. In their minds, they may think it may look more "cooler" to fit into the group, but they don't take into consideration on how dangerous some of those decisions might be. This delusional mindset these kids have will lead them to the wrong direction. As a teen especially, he/she may not have a high level of experience and maturity to be able to distinguish what is right and wrong, because they liable care more about their own needs and to be self-centered. This attitude/mindset would affect their ego, which in other words is their self-worthiness. Teens are also known for making impulsive decisions when they make a mistake. Since they have a great amount of energy to do anything in their lives, they have this great zeal to meet superficial desires. As it states from the article, "Should You Spy on Your Teen?, it states that, "Another survey shows that roughly 50 percent of high school girls and boys have engaged in sexual intercourse. Add to the trouble found via Internet sex merchants and chatroom stalkers." So, from this quote from the article, I would say that this brings in a concept between what is love and what is lust. Overall, I think that some teens are not fully aware of the consequences that are going to occur just for one small mistake. I think when children are at least the age of 18, I would say they are mentally mature and can get less guidance from their parents.
DeleteParents should not have the right to spy on their children limits child growth and creativity. Whenever a teen is confronted by a parent over something that they did wrong, they can retaliate or attempt to hide it more in the future. Similarly, if a child were to suffer from the negative effects of drug usage, then they would learn the hard way of why it is bad to do use drugs instead of just being told in an abstract sense that drugs could be bad or not to use them. On the other hand, to reduce the amount of drug usage or alcohol consumption of children at earlier stages, parents should aim towards teaching them to make ethical and better choices earlier, instilling a sense of morality. For example, many students who believe in some sort of religion are less likely to commit crimes as they have been taught since they were young that stealing was wrong. Thus, it is better to prevent these situations from ever happening in the first place rather than doing so later after their mentality is already set.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of growth, a negative parental relationship usually deters the child's ability to think for themselves. Even if they are told now that drugs are bad, when they are twenty or in college and have no restrictions, they do not have the capability to empower themselves and make the correct choices. Having a guardian who merely spies and tells a child that they are doing something is unable to raise their child to survive in the world, but also harms the parent-child relationship which inevitably harms other parts of their lives.
It's like the NSA - they shouldn't be trying to prevent people from making bombs. THey should be teaching people why terrorism is bad.
Although I agree that there should be a greater focus on educating people from a young age about making safe choices, that is not capable of stopping every immature teenager from doing something potentially dangerous to their livelihood. In these cases, I think that a parent should do whatever they can in order to help their child, even if it includes spying on them. I do agree with your point that parents can only regulate their child's behavior for a certain amount of time, which is why I don't believe that a parent should spy on their child constantly. But saying that a parent should not be able to spy on their child at all seems to be too extreme, because each situation has its own solution.
DeleteAlthough spying on your teen can damage your relationship with him or her and should only be a last resort, there are certain situations where it is necessary, as a parent, to spy on your child to ensure his or her safety. It is important to remember that teenagers are still minors, and most of them are not fully developed and as mature as adults. As a result, they should not be granted the same leniency given to adults.
ReplyDeleteFor example, a teenager may be afraid to tell his or her parent the truth, because he or she is scared of getting in trouble with either the parent or possibly even the law. In these situations, a parent should step in and do whatever necessary to protect their child. Nevertheless, spying on your child should only be a last resort. Spying on children all the time can stunt their growth and not allow them to go through the experiences that help people grow in maturity and responsibility. Trusting and having respect for your child will be much more helpful for their development compared to spying on them and treating them like children instead of young adults.
It is true that a teenage may be afraid to tell his or her parent the truth in fear of getting in trouble, and that parents should help them in any way possible. However, I do not think that spying should be used at all to "help" their child. I wholeheartedly agree that it may stunt their growth. But in addition to that and the respect that one must have for their child, this may make the child feel as if their parents are not helping them through this, and are instead looking for ways to call them out. While it may help them through the current problem, spying will only cause more problems in the future, and the long-term effects such as distrust or a rift in the family will only serve to make things worse.
DeleteHello Aryan. I see your points here very clearly regarding a child being afraid to tell his or her parents the truth. In my opinion the best way to learn is through experience. A parent will not get a heavier message across to their kids compared to the one that life will.
DeleteIn my opinion, parents must have very strong evidence to justify spying on their children. When Robert Lipic said that he spied on his sons "so they could develop some credibility," I think that he was overstepping his boundaries. The sons did nothing to suggest that they were involved in unsafe activities. By behaving and following the rules, the sons deserve some freedom and privacy. From what I have seen, it is fairly clear when someone is engaging in things like drugs or alcohol. If a parent sees signs of drunkenness or drug purchases, then they have reasonable evidence for their child's impropriety, and therefore a right to inquire further. The approach that parents take to disciplining their children with these issues should resemble the actual law. Police officers can only search people if they have more than a reasonable suspicion. The same should be true for parents searching and spying on their children.
ReplyDeleteI believe that for the most part, parents do not have the right to spy on their children. Although I understand the concern parents have for the behavior and actions of their kids, constantly shadowing and keeping close tabs on them is a detriment to the child-parent relationship. Teens begin to distrust their parents, and they feel that their parents are only seeing the worst in them. This would result in feelings of bitterness and resentment in children, causing them to lash out at or alienate their parents. The divisions and rifts that are formed by overbearing parents may result in the opposite of the intended effect--the kids will be more drawn to things like drugs and alcohol in an effort to defy their parents' wishes.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do believe that in certain circumstances, parents should be allowed to or are even obligated to keep their eyes on their children. If their kids have proven to engage in dangerous or criminal activities, it is important that their actions and decisions are monitored because things that they do may cause harm to the child him/herself, or to the outside society.
In general, though, I feel that preserving the parent-child relationship is more important than the paranoia or fears of the adults. It's important not to assume the worst in children, as doing so breeds an environment of doubt and resentment that may ultimately lead to the poor behavior and other wrongdoings parents are trying to avoid.
ReplyDeleteWhile parents may be worried for their children, I do not think that parents have a right to spy on their children. The privacy of the children’s lives are more at stake if the parents were to perform espionage. In addition, I believe that if the child was going through a huge amount of stress, it will be easy to tell if the parents are paying close attention to their child. As mentioned in the article, severe distress can be obvious such that spying is not even required. It can be evidenced in “drastic changes in moods and grades or associations with new friends”, which don’t require spying to find out. While spying may make the adults feel more secure, it shows the child that the parents do not trust the child, and will in turn make the child not trust their parents. Knowing that their parents will look through their stuff, they may become less willing to share what they are going through, and may just become proficient at hiding things instead of showing it. This method will also overprotect the children and not allow them to experience high school the way they were meant to. Thus, when they reach college and achieve much more freedom, where the person who was always there holding them back does not exist anymore, they may have a harder time controlling themselves and fall into the exact same traps that the parents were helping them avoid in high school. In contrast, I think parenting lovingly but talking to their children about the problem will be much better, and will educate the children such that they understand the dangers and possibilities if they were to for example, do drugs or drink alcohol. This will assist them in making more educated decisions and possibly prevent them from doing bad things.
I believe that when parents spy on their own children, it shows that the parents do not trust their own children, suggesting that the parents did not bring up their children correctly. For example, my parents trust me to tell them if something is going on and if I do not feel comfortable at school. They also raised me not to participate in those activities mentioned in the article, such as getting drunk or using drugs. Therefore, there isn't really a need to spy on your kids if you were good at raising them and specifically ingrain into their heads what is right and what is wrong. Additionally, when the kids find out that their parents have spied on them, it can lead to that realization destroying their relationship. Since the kids are almost adults, parents should trust their kids to do what is right and make their own decisions, because after they grow up and move out of the house, they will have to make their own decisions, and their parents cannot be there to make sure they make the right decisions all the time. I believe that if the parents aren't too sure if their kids are doing drugs or getting drunk, they should just ask seriously and confront their kids about their concerns instead of sneaking behind their backs. I can see that some people may say that parents need to spy on their children because teens may be too young to make their own decisions, and it could lead to them regretting their decisions, but I feel that if parents don't let their children have the chance to make their own decisions, they will be forced to start making their own decisions later in life, without the benefit of being able to talk and get advice from their parents.
ReplyDeleteI believe that parents should trust their children. Our parents have raised us and taught us right from wrong since we were babies. This should give them enough trust to not need to snoop on us and allow us to go out and be with friends. The strength of a parent-child relationship is based off mutual trust. The child has to trust the parent that they aren't invading their privacy, but at the same time, the child has to make sure that they are not getting into trouble. Parent are only looking out for their children and that is respectable. However, there is a certain measure to which parents should go to to ensure the safety and well being of their children. We as young adults have to experience what the world has to offer. At one point or another parents have to eventually let go. While it may be difficult, it is the best way to keep their children happy and safe.
ReplyDeleteI believe parents have the right and should spy on their children to a certain extent. The problem is, where to set the border. Kids, especially in their teenage years, are tremendously affected by their peers and surrounding condition. Thus every child needs a guardian that "leads" their path into the right direction. However, leading the path and shaping their path are two completely different things. From observation of my peers, it is noticeable that those that are severely restricted by their parents have limited social growth. Meanwhile, those that have parents that are "chill" and are usually allowed to do anything make the wrong choice, and fall down the wrong path in a domino effect. Thus balance is what is important. Parents must respect their child, along with protecting and careful espionage. Imagine every teenager as a river. If you set rocks around it and create the path, the river will stay that way, however a plain one. Meanwhile if you let the river flow and not bother to do anything, the river will split into certain paths and continue to do so. Valuing the parent-child relationship, I believe it is important to agree on a just border line, and when it is necessary for parents to protect their children.
ReplyDeleteInstead of spying on teenagers, parents should work on utilizing better parenting techniques when their children are young. Parents often feel the need to spy on their teens because they do not trust that they are doing the right thing, but the truth is that it is the parent's responsibility to raise their children to know how to respond correctly to a variety of situations. More often than not, if a parent claims to not trust their child and thus feels the need to resort to espionage they actually do not trust their own parenting skills to have instilled those values. It is possible for outside situations to cause a parent to have enough reasonable suspicion to justify spying on their kids, but such spying (even when justified) creates a number of negative effects (including the destruction of trust and rapport that is essential to passing on those values of right and wrong). If parents are sincerely concerned with their teenager's well-being they should focus on effectively molding the child's moral compass as young children instead of simply dealing with the symptoms of poorly-parented kids once they grow up.
ReplyDeleteInstead of spying on their children, parents should develop a relationship with them. Spying shows a lack of trust, and if discovered, will only ruin the relationship further. Most children wouldn’t want their parents to follow them around, go through their things, or have video monitoring equipment on them. Parents should respect that their children are becoming more independent, and instead of spying on them in distrust, should talk to their children. By building a relationship, parents can know what their children are interested in and doing in their lives. People wouldn’t tell a stranger what they’re up to, but they would tell their close friend. As parents and children understand each other better, they can trust each other more and have more respect. Children who value their parents highly wouldn’t do things that would hurt their parents, such as drinking alcohol or doing illegal drugs.
ReplyDeleteAlthough parents may need to spy on teenagers in some cases, parents should try to avoid spying in order to not destroy their relationship of trust with their children. As Fran Stott of the Erikson Institute points out, spying on teenagers can result in more anxiety and distress for them. Parents should avoid espionage so that teenagers can learn to experience the world for themselves. Sometimes, making the wrong choices is an essential part of growing up. Otherwise, teenagers will not be able to deal with difficult situations in the future and will instead live in constant paranoia of following their parents’ standards, which is a very unhealthy mindset to have. However, parents should not just turn a blind eye to their children. Parents should interfere occasionally, but only if they have reasonable suspicion and the situation continues for prolonged periods or is drastic. Even then, talking directly to teenagers is a much better way of maintaining respect than spying on them. Parents must take precautions with their relationships with their children since once they deteriorate, they will be even harder to build back up.
ReplyDeleteParents do not have the right to spy on their adolescent children, but it is definitely acceptable in certain circumstances when the safety of the teenager gets involved. Teenagers may have certain parts of their life that they may not be ready to expose to their parents yet. It would be unfair for parents to be looking through texts and diaries to discover things that the teenager is uncomfortable with sharing. If a parent is concerned or wants to be more involved in his or her child's life, he or she can simply ask the child in a non-aggressive, honest way. This method will allow the child to develop trust with the parent. It may be tempting for parents to snoop through their child's things, but if they do that, it ultimately shows that the parent doesn't trust the child. This will create a bigger gap within the relationship. On the other hand, I would definitely understand spying on children if the parent has enough evidence that suggests that the child may be partaking in something unhealthy or dangerous. For example, if the parent notices that the child is always asking for money and smells like cigarettes, I don't think it's a bad idea for the parent to get involved and snoop around a bit. Obviously, the ideal way of dealing with a situation like this is to have a face-to-face conversation. In the case that a child may not be willing to share anything at all (which is frequent for teenagers), I think a little bit of spying may help the parent determine if the child needs help. If safety is at risk, the parent definitely needs to get involved, and for some parents, the only way they can get down to the bottom of things is to spy. Generally, I would say that it is wrong for parents to spy, but sometimes it is necessary when the child's safety is at risk.
ReplyDeleteThough I don't think that parents spying on their children is a completely taboo idea, it certainly is not my preferred way of handling teenage growth. To me, spying on one's own children only shows paranoia, that the parent is worried that their parenting was not up to standard. Many parents believe that their child's failures are because of their own shortcomings as a parent, and therefore want to prevent any of them before they happen. However, as Michael Jordan said in the NBA 2k10 advertisement that we watched on class, the person who has the most failures but is able to recover and learn, will be the greatest. Children will not learn as much when they are watched at all times by so called "helicopter parents." This method of parenting prevents the child from making any significant mistakes whatsoever, leading to problems when the child is forced to fend for themselves after high school. They do not know how to handle failure in the real world, and will be punished for it. For these reasons, I do not like the idea of parental espionage.
ReplyDeleteI believe that parents should not spy on their adolescent children. In a family, it is important to establish trust between parent and child, and parents spying on their children would only violate that trust. Parents should trust in their own parenting and that their child will make the right choices, instead of monitoring them. Furthermore, spying does not actually help the child in any way, at least not in the intended way; it simply causes the child to think of ways not to get caught.
ReplyDeleteI think that instead of spying on their children, parents should directly confront them about their problems and empathize with them. They should share their past experiences about sex, drugs, etc. and offer themselves as someone who can help the child if he/she makes bad choices. While it is true that children often hide things from their parents out of guilt, shame, or foolishness, but it should be up to the child whether or not to tell his or her parents. I think that parents should instill integrity and respect in their child, so that the child can think for themselves whether their decisions are right or not, and ask the parents if he or she is unsure. Of course, at a young age, many children simply do not understand the consequences of their actions, and I can understand the parents' sentiment to keep their child safe from harm. However, I do not believe that spying is the way to go about it. If the parent does suspect their child of sex, drugs, or any criminal activity, then the parent should consult a professional to help the child. In the end, parents should forge a mutual trust with their child, so that the child would not be dishonest with their parent and the parent would not have to resort to snooping on their child.
I believe that if a parent must resort to spying on their child, then they already have done potentially irreparable harm. Clearly, the parents have already lost the trust of their child and they need to see about regaining that lost trust as soon as possible as without trust there cannot be love and the family connection cannot exist without love. Furthermore, it is incredibly easy for a parent-child bond to become warped and turn from parents protecting their child to parents stifling their child. When it gets to spying on your child, this stops being a "parent protecting child" situation and becomes a "parent fighting child" situation. When a government is actively spying on their population, that implies a tyranny not a utopia. As a result, I urge parents to constantly check themselves and make sure that their children haven't accidentally become their enemy. Finally, instead of locking your child into a padded cell so they can't ever get hurt, let your child explore and when they find out that fire is hot by burning themselves or knives are sharp by nicking themselves, then treat their wounds and comfort them. This way they learn that the outside world is dangerous and you are there to protect them.Thus, they will listen to you more thus making it easier to teach them about dangers that aren't nearly as easy to recover from as a cut from a burn. All in all, if a parent has to engage in home espionage, something has already gone horribly wrong and the parent needs to correct it soon because if they don't, that child won't be theirs for much longer.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, parents should refrain from snooping on their kids as much as possible because although it may seem like a good way to make sure your kid isn't getting involved in the activities, the teenagers will lose their trust in the parents and severe the relationship that they have. In my personal experiences, my mom has in the past taken my phone or gone on my computer when I am not there and read through my messages on Facebook that I had with friends. To me it was really uncalled for and that definitely did make my relationship with my mom a lot worse. I never really trusted her the same way again and she didn't really trust me either. I think that parents need to be more straight forward with what they want to know and be more close on a personal level with their kids so when they really need to know what they are up to then the kids feel comfortable telling the truth knowing that the parents will understand. Often I think that students and teenagers keep themselves at a distance from their parents because they are afraid that the parents will disapprove or judge them for who they are and how they feel. Another thing that parents are worried about is if teenagers are getting into sex, drugs, violence and alcohol. I think that the best way to prevent this is to help teenagers establish morals to follow as well as letting them know the consequences of the paths they choose to follow. A key factor in maintaining a good relationship with the teenagers is communication and calm reinforcing communication. Making sure that the parent and teen are on the same page and there are no misunderstandings. The parent should lay down a set of standards and rules for the teenager but include the teenager in making the rules that way they feel as though they have a say. Overall snooping and spying on teens is not the best way to keep your kids in line. Effective communication and trust is the easiest way to maintain a good relationship
ReplyDeleteI believe that parents should not spy on their adolescent children. In a family, it is important to establish trust between parent and child, and parents spying on their children would only violate that trust. Parents should trust in their own parenting and that their child will make the right choices, instead of monitoring them. Furthermore, spying does not actually help the child in any way, at least not in the intended way; it simply causes the child to think of ways not to get caught.
ReplyDeleteI think that instead of spying on their children, parents should directly confront them about their problems and empathize with them. They should share their past experiences about sex, drugs, etc. and offer themselves as someone who can help the child if he/she makes bad choices. While it is true that children often hide things from their parents out of guilt, shame, or foolishness, but it should be up to the child whether or not to tell his or her parents. I think that parents should instill integrity and respect in their child, so that the child can think for themselves whether their decisions are right or not, and ask the parents if he or she is unsure. Of course, at a young age, many children simply do not understand the consequences of their actions, and I can understand the parents' sentiment to keep their child safe from harm. However, I do not believe that spying is the way to go about it. If the parent does suspect their child of sex, drugs, or any criminal activity, then the parent should consult a professional to help the child. In the end, parents should forge a mutual trust with their child, so that the child would not be dishonest with their parent and the parent would not have to resort to snooping on their child.
I agree with Fran Scott's belief that parents spying on children can hurt the relationship between the parent and the teen. Unless there is high suspicion of drugs or alcohol, there really is no need for parents to be spying. I have grown up in a household where my parents trust my sisters and me, and if they do have questions, they can directly come up to me and talk about it. I've always had very open parents who encourage communication, which I'm fortunate for. But even those parents who may find it difficult to communicate with their children should understand that teenagers are in a state where they can finally discover some independence and learn more about themselves. It is also a time where teenagers can make their own mistakes without their parent's guidance, as Brittany Cable mentions in the article. This vulnerability makes it imperative for parents and children to respect one another's space. Some parents may believe that spying provides the most direct solution to their questions, but I think it would actually make the process long-winded and even more tense than it needs to be. Still, "spying" can be justified in some ways. For example, if a parent accidentally finds something suspicious in your room as they're cleaning it, I wouldn't call that spying.
ReplyDeleteIn an nutshell, I think it's important for parents to always remind themselves what their role means to children. I view my parents as role models and people I can always trust, but by spying, they would be taking away both my trust and my desire to emulate their qualities.
Parents should not snoop on their children. It is dangerous to justify the actions of a parent when immediately suspect their children instead of asking their children's point of view. Typically, most people learn from their mistakes and grow only when they have experienced failure. Trial and error allows children to become better critical thinkers. Parents who spy on their children limit the experiences of their children and only allow their children to live a sheltered life, prohibiting them from maturing into fully functioning adults. Snooping does not only damage the relationship between the parents and the children, but completely destroys it. Children will begin to fear their parents instead of trust them. In this case, children will feel even more compelled to hide things from their parents, and the cycle of mistrust will continue.
ReplyDeleteIf parents want to gain information about their children's lives, the answer is not to spy on them, but to verbally ask them. As Dave Clinton said, "Kids can understand reasons, but not snooping". Instead of suspecting the child, it is more comfortable for both the child and the parent to discuss the issue. It is only then that a mutual feeling of trust can develop between the parents and the children.
I think that parents should not be spying on their children because it can harm their relationship. It is inevitable that somewhere along the path to adulthood children will run into problems or create problems, so it should be up to them to be able to problem solve and fix whatever is going on. If the parents butt in, the children lose the chance to mature and grow. Spying shows that there is distrust between the parent and child so it should be the last resort in handling the situations. It is better for both sides to just have an open conversation. As Clinton mentions, "Kids can understand reason, but not snooping," If parent just try to communicate with the child, a lot of misunderstanding can be prevented and the method of spying can be eliminated altogether.
ReplyDeleteTeenagers, just like adults, have their right to privacy. Adolescents constantly make mistakes on their journey to adulthood, and that is how they learn. When they fall, they need to get up again. However, when parents are constantly on their tail, they will never learn how to get back on the track again by themselves. Parents can’t always be there for their children, and will soon have to let go of them when they become adults. Parents’ job is to guide their children in the right path, and spying on their own children is not going to help. Spying will increase tension in the relationship and will create a sense of mistrust between the parent and the teenanger— and that’s the last thing a parent wants. When children mistrust their own parents, they become even more secretive and are less likely to share their problems. Parents should not cross the line of their children’s privacy such as reading their diaries or searching their drawers; parents can’t always protect their from the dangers. Teenagers will face them in the real world anyways when their parents’ aren’t by their side. To prepare teenagers for the real world, parents shouldn’t try to stop outside influences and instead allow their children to face their problems, learn from their mistakes, and grow as adolescents on their own.
ReplyDeleteAlthough parental spying is justified in some cases, teenagers cannot live their entire lives under protective shells. As we all know, the time that people really start to learn about themselves and their identity is during the teenage years. Although parental guidance is necessary, it should not dictate every single thing that a child does with his or her life. At a young age, parents must teach their children about what to do, and what not to do. By the time a person has hit their teenage years, they should be able to decipher right from wrong. From there on, it is the decision of the kids to do what they want. By the time that children have become teenagers, they should be treated like adults, because they should be prepared for what is expected to happen after college. As they get older, it is important that they are able to become independent and start taking care of their own needs. Rather than invading privacy, parents should be able to have calm discussions with their kids, to ensure that they are both on the same page to prevent bad habits, such as doing drugs. Parents should also serve as good role models. However, if they spy on their kids, it can cause problems within the family. Overprotective parents deter their children from trusting them with anything, which can lead to family breakups. Espionage also deters kids from trying new things, because they would feel as if they are confined to do things their parents allow them to. It does not allow them to have the traditional growing up experience, something that will be detrimental in the future.
ReplyDeleteI believe that parents should respect their teenage kids and not spy on them. Teenagers are still children, and children learn things by experimenting. Constantly spying on your own kids is a great way to make them sheltered and stressed. As long as it's not harming their personal life, teenagers should be able to try new things. Teens will also most likely lose respect and trust towards their parents once they figure out that they're spying on them, because respect is mutual. Just like warrants, adults should only go spy their kids when there is a reasonable explanation, such as drug abuse or skipping school. Teens should have the freedom to try new things within reason, and adults should not stop them from doing so.
ReplyDeleteParents don't have the right to spy on their children. Those who do typically do so for understandable reasons, such as being concerned about their child's safety. However, by invading their privacy, they show that they have little respect for their children. Everyone has a right to privacy, and teenagers are perhaps those who need it the most. Being a teenager often means that you are developing not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally, and it's a difficult time. Teens need space to find out who they are and who they want to be, and in general learn more about themselves.
ReplyDeleteChildren are prone to hiding things from their parents for various reasons. And this is a large reason why parents spy on their kids in the first place; they're worried about their kids but their kids don't trust them quite enough to tell them about everything that might be happening. They often confide in their friends or journals or the such like instead. These are their safe spaces, where they can feel secure. However, if they discover that an adult has been invading their privacy, then their safe space isn't so safe anymore. And thus the bond between parent and child is heavily damaged. There's going to be a huge amount of emotions here; fear, humility, shame, anger, and so on and so forth, finding out that their parents know everything that they didn't want them to know. And children end up trusting their guardian even less and telling them even less, because they have shown that they don't respect their privacy or their identity. And nothing gets achieved except severely straining their relationship.
Spying on your children is unnecessary and not the right thing to do under most circumstances. If a parent has the need or urge to spy on their children, there obviously is not a trust that should be there between the parent and child. Many high school students participate in illegal activities, but there are other ways to make sure that a child is not and will not participate in harmful activities. Instead of spying, which eventually will lead to a mistrust between child and parent, parents should educate their children from a young age, teaching them what is moral, and more importantly, set a good example for their children. Even though most parents tell their children what is wrong and right, parents should also communicate will their children regularly to make them feel more comfortable about the topics of drugs, alcohol, and sex. By building a child's moral compass and making them feel more comfortable around the parents when talking about sensitive topics, children are more likely going to realize what is wrong and right, and build a barrier of guilt that helps them not participate in illegal activities.
ReplyDeleteIf children end up participating in illegal activities, parents still don't have to spy on their children to find out about it. Signs like dropping grades, lower work ethic, or new friends may lead to suspicion, but communication with children is the best way to find out more of what your child is doing. Communication is much less damaging to trust than spying, and shows that a parent is attempting to find answers morally rather than go behind their child's back. A parent has known their children long enough to know what actions are out of a child's nature and what actions are normal.
I personally do not believe that parents have the right to spy on their adolescent children. Instead of creating a safer environment, it pushes kids to find more secretive ways to rebel. They will find better ways to hide things from their parents. As the article states, “espionage can be dangerous to a parent-child relationships”(Fran Stott). A mutually trusting relationship is needed between children and their parents. When parents show their trust in their children, it makes it easier for the kids to talk to their parents. Everyone makes mistakes and they learn through these mistakes. If parents are worried about their children making mistakes, they should personally ask them. Communication is a very important aspect in any relationship. As a teen, I would much rather have my parents talk to me about their concerns rather than spy on me. Children, like adults have their right to privacy, and even when they don’t have their parents’ trust, they can earn it without parents needing to spy on them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, children are not with their parents their whole life. After high school, they need to live on their own in a completely different surrounding. Parents will not be there to tell their kids what is right or wrong. Instead of sheltering their child, they should let them be independent and step in when they have to. They should not follow and watch their child like a shadow. Children will have a better relationship with their parents and learn skills that will help then when the live independent lives.
I think parents should assume that they don't need to spy on their children, but they should establish that their trust is a privilege. When sneaky behavior comes up even only once, not twice, (and definitely not a third time) then that's when you should put your foot down-- try to involve yourself more in their school life. You can't trust anyone with your children. But, I have to mention that even your child's trust is a privilege. There's two sides to every story. If YOU show them signs of sneaky behavior (i.e., snooping) then THEY'LL put THEIR foot down, even though YOU felt like your actions were justified. They'll never reason with you, and in the eyes of your children, you'll never reason with them. You will never reason with anyone, so that's why you need to do everything inconspicuously. Do what you have to do, but don't you dare let it show. It would be ignorant to say everything is black and white and that you only have two choices here. That will never be true. The subject of the upbringing of your child is not to be taken lightly. Kids can learn to be truly independent later in their lives. While they are your responsibility, give them the privilege of your protection. Don't let them fly solo just yet.
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ReplyDeleteParents have the right to spy on their children. Teenagers are confronted with many decisions which could forever impact their life, such as college choice or drug useage. Although it is good to keep a close eye on teenagers to ensure their safety, spying should not be done unless the teens are behaving differently or if there is enough suspicion from the parents. The best way to raise a child is to create an environment where they feel comfortable and safe. However, spying on children is an infringement of their privacy and may destroy the trust between parent and child. Sometimes children may not talk openly about their issues or experiences because they may feel guilty or embarrassed about their actions, so it is up to the parent to learn more about the current teenage culture. However, if there is enough suspicion a bit of poking around could be necessary and beneficial. Protection of the teen by spying is usually unnecessary. Prevention is a better way to keep teens out of trouble, such as set morals or “scared straight” techniques of teaching the effects of drug or alcohol use.
Parents have a right to spy on their children if they know that there's something wrong happening at their school that could influence them to do something that could possibly jeopardize their life, for example the Lipics want to "limit the risks of drugs and alcohol in their three teenagers" so they would follow their kids when they go out. But parents shouldn't spy on their children if they know their safe and nothing bad is happening at their school. When they feel worried about them they should just talk to their child, "severe distress will manifest itself in ways that don't require spying... loving but firm confrontation is a better approach than spying."
ReplyDeleteI don’t believe that spying on your teen can solve anything. Like the article said, if your teen were to find out about what their parents were doing, there can be some trust issues -- dangerous parent-child relationships. It would be best to give your teen some privacy. Let them do their own thing and experience life independently. There are some things that people don’t want others to see. All spying does is increase the chance of lies being told and make teens find ways to rebel. With that being said, most teens wouldn’t like it if their parents invaded their lives all the time. Our parents are our role models and they are supposed to guide us through life. I know that a parent would want to protect their teen as much as possible; however, invading their space shouldn’t be the first thing parents do. If the parents wanted to know about their child’s lives, they should just ask them. I believe that communication between the parents and their child is the key to having a successful relationship.
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